Movie Review: Ratatouille

I should start off by saying that I am not really a cartoon movie fan. I like the idea of cartoons--I like the live action versions like Fantastic 4 and The X Men (Hugh Jackmann as Wolverine, mrrrrrrrrow).

I also really like a lot of Pixar's previous efforts like the ones with the toys, the one with the monsters, the one with the fish, and the one with the superhero family. These have humor for the kids, but also a whole layer of humor for the adults, which I like.

Ratatouille, however--and although it's Pixar--is more your straight-forward cartoon movie. It's got Pixar's fantastic abilities, but not as much tongue-in-cheek humor as I had hoped for.

DB, however, loved it. He clapped. In the movie theater. Alone...

Anyway, on to the review!


Cute Persons to look at (0-5): 1. They're cartoons? [shrug] The characters are cute, but not in the way this review section really intends. The chick chef, though, I think caught DB's eye. If she were real, she'd probably go on his "List".

Right up there with Lisa Loeb, Belinda Carlisle, and Pink. My dh--he's an a la carte sort of celebrity chick watcher, he is.

A Satisfying Ending (0-5): 5. "Good" guys win, "bad" guys lose. "People" fall in love. All is well. My favorite kind of ending :)

Action/ adventureness (0-5): 4. All CG, but really, really good. Honestly, the whole movie was full of great action (see Cinematography)

Love storyness (0-5): 3. Even though they're cartoons and the making-out leaves something to be desired, I gues you're still happy when they get together ;)

Good Scaryness (0-5): 0 No scaryness.

Kissing (0-5): 1. There was one cartoon kissing scene, and honestly, it was between the 2 character I hoped would hook up (sorry Dave, looks like your chef girlfriend is off the market), so you almost wanted to cheer.

Dave even elbowed me to point out, "see making-out! you love making-out scenes!" Which is true--what's the point of a movie not having a making out scene? Movies about submarines have making out scenes. Even the Terminator had making out scenes!

(Dear Hollywood, making out = very important. To appease the gentlemen we may be watching the movie with, maybe blow something up, make-out, then parachute off a cliff. After that? More making-out.)

Cinematography/Special Effects (1-5): 5. FABULOUS! Incredibly realistically and amazing at some points--you couldn't believe that all the textures and stuff were all CG! The little cartoon short at the beginning was great too (up until the alien cried--[poor baby!])

Extra Credit (Max. 10 points): Nothing comes to mind?


Total: 19/35. If you generally like cartoons and specifically like Pixar--GO SEE IT! You'll love it. If you don't generally like cartoons, but like Pixar--go see it, it's worth watching. If you like neither cartoons or Pixar--stop reading.

Seriously. Why are you reading movie reviews about things you hate? You should be ashamed of yourself. I mean, I do like to have a good readership, but not ones who are in denial! Not ones who haven't yet embraced themselves! How is that good for my reader portfolio? Here's a bunch of unsure people.... NO!

It's a brand new world here at mairzydoats! We have a charter! You don't have to do anything you don't want to do! You read what you want to! There's nobody following you around--checking up on you! trying to figure out what you next move is! No! Here, you are free to do as you please!!






Although...I do have a counter that tells me how many people have visited on each day, so I can kind of get an idea of the topics you find more---or less---entertaining. Now if I could only get my spycam working...
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Up Next...

Saw Ratatouille tonight...stay tuned for a review...not now though. Tomorrow is moving day for my sissy--930 will come early(ish).

Yep, as of yesterday, I'm officially 1/3 of a century...

I had a very nice birthday :). Got taken out to lunch with some of my engineer friends...teased them mercilessly...got to spend some time with my original set of coworkers and give them a hard time too, which was nice.

Passed out party-favor squirt guns and other toys, watched squirt-gun warfare erupt all over the building. I told S.E. to choose a gun over the toy he did pick. As I watched him get waxed by one of his own coworkers, I thought, "He can't say I didn't warn him."

Well, he can.

But it won't do him any good.

Got a bunch of e-cards, 4 out of 5 of which, curiously, starred the same 2 brightly colored cartoon characters. 1 out of those 4 also starred a mountain goat, you know, so that's cool. Got some happy birthdays from HCX, Pennsylvania, and from some of the Canadian contingent.

Meg and BIL Nick closed on their new house, I stopped by my mom and dad's for a b-day squeeze, went to dinner @ the Village Squire, and then got eaten alive by mosquitos at Dave's softball game. The mosquitos were bearable only because S.D. of Johnsburg said I was all cute in my red skirt*.

(And insert Dave rolling eyes....-->here<---)


*Free compliments! Starting at 830 sharp every Tuesday at Knox Park in McHenry!
That's a wrap.

I don't think I mentioned that I finally gave in to the

wireless internet monster. I had (have?) anxiety about security, but I gave in. Here's my home office-->

I'm converted.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

I'm on hold. With the bank. I've been on hold for...wait..let me look...12 minutes and 53 seconds.

They did something crazy to the online banking sign-on and, since I sort of refuse to completely change my name, I'm having a hard time getting the online new password generator to work.

But, since I've been on hold for...13 mins and 13 secs, it doesn't seem like I'm the only with trouble.

So, in the meantime, here's what I've been up to lately:

The Audit: The audit is over here at HCY (at least for now). The FDA will be back at some point this summer/fall, and then the Germans will be here late in the fall (Das Au-dit). And the 3rd party will be back in January. So--it's pretty much audit season thru next year.

Which I am totally fine with. Honestly. I like it when we're really busy, like during the first couple weeks of this audit. I'd rather be busy, right?

Plus, I met a new Canadian to add to my collection of Canadian friends, I got to talk to a guy at work more than I have previously about tractors and cars and beer and such (I'm hoping he and his wife want to hang out, I'll keep you posted), and I learned that my boss' boss' boss takes his shoes off at his desk just like me. Which is almost as good as a permission slip, I think.

So I've got that going for me*.

Then there are days like yesterday and today. The audit's been pretty quiet and I have learned the following things:
--That my itunes being broken wasn't a conspiracy against me after all (thanks C.R.!).
--That C.R., and A.H. of Chicago, also have Chaka Khan on their playlists. Oh, how the embarrassing truth it does come out when you let people fool around in your music collection.
--That, even with several well-aimed shots at your co-worker's mouth, a McDonald's elephant squirt gun is just not a precision instrument. Laughing does not help.
--That "Junk in a Box"? It's hilarious. Especially when your a coworker walks in and asks if anyone has seen D.B.'s box. And you've been trapped in a windowless room with these people for 3 weeks. And you've been eating sugar all day. Mmmm, sugar.
--That if you're sitting across from one male and one female who work at HCY and ask "Printer Girl" to hand you the stuff off the printer, C.H will respond. He almost got away with making it look like he had been stretching. Oh, but not quite.

Yes, it's all over for poor PG, he will never live it down. We even made him a nametag with his new name. I'd post a picture, but I wouldn't want his wife to see what he does at "work" all day.

All in all, it's been a good month.

And it's only 7 days until my birthday.


*Which is nice

The Canoe Trip of Death or How I Got Dunked in the Mighty Nip 3 Times in As Many Hours

Okay, so not really death. Maybe repeated attempted drowning...

We rented our canoes from http://www.tipacanoellc.com/, a place out of Burlington WI. They were so nice, what with their charming Wisconsin accents and all! Garrett was the guy who delivered our canoes. He had that Kenosha County accent--you know where flag and bag sound like flayg and bayg? And, man, he drove that truck/canoe rack combo like an Indy racecar. I guess you get used to parking that thing after a while, but I made sure to keep my toes out of the way!

It's really great--you pick the body of water and how long you (theoretically) want to canoe and they tell you where to show up. They bring the canoe (and canoe stuff) and then do all the shuttling around so that your car is there when you're done canoeing. Then, when you're done canoeing, you get in your car and leave. So fun and convenient.

We put in at the Keystone canoe landing in Glacial Park, for a 2 hour canoe paddle (a 2 hour canoe paddle*). We had 3 canoes, each with 2 grownups and also Baby C in her adorable life vest, which made her look much like the little brother from the Christmas Story ("I can't move my arms!"

We made sure that each non-swimmer was in a canoe with a swimmer, and put the canoes in the water. The Mom/Dad and Sister/BIL/Baby C canoes all got on the water smoothly.

Then I got in our canoe and Dave tossed me into the water.

...okay, so it didn't quite happen that way, but it sure felt like it. Nip Dip #1

Most of the Nip is pretty pastoral. The stretch we were on runs thru Glacial Park, so it was quiet and uninhabited, for the most part. I can't remember how long we had been paddling, but we eventually came upon a little rapids section. S/BIL/Baby C broke left and made it through without incident.

We broke right. Nip Dip 2.

The canoe immediately got wedged between 2 rocks, turned sideways, and filled right up with water. We tipped over and my leg (which had been leisurely trailing in the water over the starboard side) got pinned between the rocks on the bottom, and the side of the canoe (which was now filled with water and sideways in the fairly quick rapids).

After a moment of potential broken ankle panic, I freed myself and we both were able to stand up. Yep, that's the beauty of the Mighty Nip. In most places, if you fall out of your boat, you can just stand up! (As Meg says, "You're okay! Just stand up!")

It was mid-calf deep, so we grabbed our mostly wet (from Nip Dip 1) stuff and the edge of the canoe and made for the shore. One step downstream, however, the water went from calf to hip deep. Another step and I was in up to my shoulder. It was pretty funny.

Aside from the coughing.

And the laughing of our 4 companions, including my parents, who had made it through unscathed, as well.

BIL Nick helped Dave extricate our canoe and we got back in.

I had chosen a 2 hour trip for us, but as it turned out, it was closer to 3.5. We lollygagged and, at times, waited for each other. Plus, Meg and Nick had to shift around to please Baby C.

Speaking of Baby C...she's such a great kid. Would your 11 month old happily wear a giant red life vest on a 3.5 hour canoe trip during which it was very sunny, but also rainy, and on top of that, get tossed in the water when her canoe hit a tree branch and sank? I think not.

Towards the end of the trip, we were all starting to get tired and it had also started to rain. Didn't matter to me, because if I had started to dry out from Dips 1 and 2, well, I had nothing to worry about...

The Nip gets very wind-ey and tree-filled as it goes thru Glacier Park. At one point, as we were negotiating some of the trees, I turned my head briefly to look at my adorable niece when WHACK! A tree branch to the side of the head took me right out of the port side of the canoe (and of course, Dave and everything else too). Nip Dip 3 and also the 3rd time we had to pick up the boat and pour the water out. (7 days later and I still have the lump on my head.)

Now, I can't remember if it happened before or after Nip Dip 3, and I wasn't there to see it in person, but apparently Meg and Nick also hit a tree and tipped the canoe--including Baby C--into the water. They say she cried, but I don't believe it, because when we came around the bend, Meg was standing in the water (You're okay! Just stand up!) holding the babe.

All wet, with her giant vest and her baby chick hair, but not crying! She's a trooper.

Like I told Meg, she would have made such a good pioneer baby. "Six weeks in a Conestoga wagon? Okay, as long as we've got sweet potato puffs.".

So, we eventually got to the end point and, since it was raining and we were tired, we whisked Baby C into the cars and went home.

There is nothing like a hot shower when you're cold and wet. And muddy. And sandy. With sticks in your hair. And rocks in your bathing suit**. And you're at your mom's house where you can use 3 squishy towels, but you don't have to wash them. And then she feeds you and makes you sleep on the couch. Ahhh.

:)


*1 point goes to the winner
**How does that work? I coulda made a sand castle with the grit I took home!

...oh, might've had something to do with the amount of time I spent underwater.

Dave.

Prelude to the Canoe Trip of Death

So last Saturday...no, let me start at the beginning....

Two years ago, my sissy and I (along with the 2 sons-in-law) gave my dad a canoe trip for Father's Day, complete with water shoes and a diorama of a pastoral canoe scene. Then we had no rain.

I only tell you we had no rain, because we had to cancel our trip for that year. The Nippersink Creek, aka The Mighty Nip, which runs thru a good portion of McHenry County isn't very big. I'd say it's 30 feet wide at the widest and the depest part I fell into was about shoulder high (more on that later).

So, no rain = much portage, and since it was going to be the 6 of us, we decided to postpone the trip. Then, one year ago, we also couldn't go because my sister developed preeclampsia on purpose to spite us.

This year, we were determined. My mother-in-law-in-law bought my almost-year-old niecey an infant life vest and we were ready to go...

Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean 3

PotC3. First person to tell me what it's rated gets 3 bonus points (email or comment)!

Cute Persons to look at (0-5): 4. Hmmm. It's hard to say. I give it a high score, because ever since seeing Eric I-can't-remember-his-last-name-but-I-weirdly-ran-across-a-picture-of-him-in-Laura-H's-photo-album-which-by-the-way-contains-more-male-shirt-off-pictures-than-the-International-Male-catalog* in my high-school's production of Pirates of Penzance, I've had a pirate thing. So, I like Johnny Depp.

Course, there's also Orlando Bloom. He's not my style, but he *is* the style of many, many girls I know.

For the boys, there's Keira Knightley. If I dug chicks, I'd dig her. So...

A Satisfying Ending (0-5): 5. Pretty good :) Leaves room for a PotC4, although I'm not sure where they'd go with it. "Good" guys win, "bad" guys lose. My favorite :)

Action/ adventureness (0-5): 5. FABULOUS! So good! Lots of swashbuckling and such. It had a good beat, I could dance to it, I give it a 10. (Well, you know, a five).

Love storyness (0-5): 3. The sameo-sameo. Orlando plus Keira with a dash of Johnny. Less good than PotC1 or 2, though...see below.

Good Scaryness (0-5): 0.5. No scaryness, but some ickyness.

Kissing (0-5): 2. Some kissing. None involving Johnny, though, so not as good as PotC2. ;)

Cinematography/Special Effects (1-5): 5. Also FABULOUS! Really, reallly, good and, although you know it's CGI, otherwise believeable. So good. The "finding their way back" scene was awesome!!! And the crabs!

Extra Credit (Max. 10 points): 10. 5 for the celebrity guest appearance and 5 more for the special effects (soo good).

Total: 34.5/35.

*http://www.internationalmale.com/dept.asp?dept%5Fname=Swimwear&dept%5Fid=10390

Movie Review: Spiderman 3

All, right. So, Spiderman 3. It's been a while since we saw S3 (and I've been locked in the windowless room, remember?), so I'll do my best...

Cute Persons to look at (0-5): 3. (I was torn between a 2 and a 4, as you'll see below).
This one is really subjective. I don't think what's-his-name is cute. I just don't. He's got pretty eyes, but his upper lip is oddly long, you know? (At least he occasionally closes his mouth unlike Neve Campbell. See Scream [you know, or any other filmed event she's ever been a part of]).

As for the girl, I wouldn't be interested in her even if I dug chicks. I've always thought she looks like those people who grew up a little malnourished.

The best friend/other semi-evil superhero/Willem Dafoe's son guy is okay. I'd let him buy me a drink.

A dark horse in the Cute Persons category was Topher Grace! I was so surprised! I never thought much of him in That 70s Show, but with his hair tipped blond and being that his character is somewhat evil? I would let him buy me a drink too. Certainly. And I can't believe I'm actually saying that.

A Satisfying Ending (0-5): 3. Decent. Bad guy dies, good guy lives, girl sticks with good guy. It left a little room for an S4, if they wanted to, but I don't think they're planning on it.

Action/ adventureness (0-5): 4. Pretty good--just like the other 2. Lots of webbing around and fighting the bad guy stuff. I mean, it's no pirate movie, but it's still pretty good.

Love storyness (0-5): 0. The usuzh. Peter and Mary Jane. It'd be godd if it weren't what's his and what's her name, so if you think they're both cute, then you're good to go.

Good Scaryness (0-5): 0. A few loud/startling moments, but no scaryness. If there had been some real spiders, I might change my mind, let's see.....nope. Not changing it.

Kissing (0-5): 1. No good kissing. There was some, but Peter and Mary Jane? Ick. Now if it had been newly-hot Topher Grace, well, I might have changed my mind....

Cinematography/Special Effects: 4. The usual good stuff.

Extra Credit (Max. 10 points): 0.

Total: 15/35. Decent. I liked the other 2 better.

Based on my counter, I suspect I have

NEW READERS!

Welcome new readers!

Let's see, what should you know? Um...I use random acronyms a lot (like HCY* and BIL*). I also am having an early to mid 30s love affair with the asterisk. Many of my posts are tagged--just click the tags at the bottom to see related posts. (Well, at least posts I feel are related).

Additionally, things like snarky comments, stories about the free tampons that HCY bizarrely provides as a perk, or posts that contain trivia point giveaways will occasionally require the use of your secret decoder mouse.

What's a secret decoder mouse? Oh just fool around a little, you'll figure it out.

I've also got a myspace, you know, like the rest of the Starbucks (Tim Hortons?)-drinking world.



*Healthcare Company Y, where I currently work. As opposed to Healthcare Company X, where I spent the first 10 years of my working life.
*Brother-in-Law. Of which I onyl have 2. One of which feeds me most of my good Google crap.

We're in an audit here at HCY...

By a group that's kind of like FDA jr. It's supposed to go until the end of June. I haven't spent more than 20 daytime mins outside my windowless, locked room for 9 days. Boooo.

But I do get to boss people around, you know, so I've got that going for me. Which is nice.



But, I do have to review Spiderman 3 and Pirates 3 for you. As well as post a darling pic of my cat and some pics of the canoeing trip of death (more on that later...).

I'll be back...

Movie Review: Hot Fuzz

For those unfamiliar with Hot Fuzz, it was made by the same people who made Shaun of the Dead. For those unfamiliar with Shaun of the Dead, well....


Cute Persons to look at (0-5): 1. Not so cute people to look. Appealing, sure, but no one to drool over.

A Satisfying Ending (0-5): 5. I love it when movies are all wrapped up in a little package! Plus, the good guys win--which is even better!

Action/ adventureness (0-5): 5. The whole thing is action adventure. Lots of car chases and shoot-em-ups.

Love storyness (0-5): 0. I don't recall any love story. Mostly driving and shooting, with a some British humor thrown in.

Good Scaryness (0-5): 0. No scaryness. It's an action movie with a tongue-in-cheek stab at cop movies. Good, not scary.

Kissing (0-5): 0. No kissing. Yep, not much more to say there

Cinematography/Special Effects (1-5): 3. Well shot, good scenery, lots of movement. No special effects, but they weren't missed.

Extra Credit (Max. 10 points): 3. I'm really not sure why. Maybe because it lost points on love story and kissing, but that loss shouldn't really be reflected in the total score, because the movie wasn't really about kissing and such? I'm not really sure.

Plus, I'm in charge of awarding points and I can do as I please.

Total: 17/35. Good! If you liked Shaun of the Dead you'll like it. If you didn't, you probably won't. If you haven't seen SotD, give it a try.

Movie Review: Disturbia

Cute Persons to look at (0-5): 2. I give it a 2 as an average. The main girl character is pretty attractive. The main guy character is one of those guys where they're on the attractiveness fence and their personality is going to puh them over to one side or the other. So, guys theoretically have something to look at. The girls? Maybe, maybe not. I'd probably have given it an overall 3.

I lowered the score, however, b/c the characters are supposed to be in high school, which makes them really young.

A Satisfying Ending (0-5): 3. It was all wrapped up at the end, which is my favorite thing, but it was almost a little too wrapped up. Maybe I didn't really take the characters to heart? Maybe I expected to see Carrie Ann Moss save the world wearing a black pleather trench coat instead of a sweater and jeans? I just don't know.

Action/ adventureness (0-5): 2. A few good scenes, particularly the end and anything involving the best friend (whom I thought was the best character in the whole thing!). The house arrest angle was something new and a good idea.

Love storyness (0-5): 3. Also decent. Hot girl moves in next door. Nice non-jock boy falls deep in "like" with hot girl.

Good Scaryness (0-5): 3. Some good suspenseful-ness. I have to say, though, that I really like David Morse better as a good guy, you know? I mean, he was in St. Elsewhere!

Kissing (0-5): 2.5. I'd probably have given it a 4 if they weren't in high school. That creeps me out.

Cinematography/Special Effects (1-5): 3. No special effects that I recall? Cinematography was pretty good--good camera angles, good scenery. The house was beautiful! I wanted to live there myself.

Extra Credit (Max. 10 points): 7. I wish David Morse would send me an invitation to the gun show. Sighhhhh.*

Total: 25.5/35. Somewhat predictable. You don't go home continuing to feel creeped out, which I think is a hallmark of a good creepy movie, but it's worth going. Dave really liked it--more so than I did.


*http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gun+show

Townhouse for sale!

Hi all,
My parents are selling the townhouse my sister and her family live in. It's in Woodstock and so cute!

Go see for yourself :) -->
http://www.realtor.com/Prop/1078799161

A favorite quote from one of Dave's old birthday cards...

"Anyone can bring green beans amandine to the neighborhood potluck, but it takes someone special to bring the funk."

Movie Review: Blades of Glory

Yes, it's good!

No, I don't know if you'd think it's as funny as Talladega Nights--I didn't really like Talladega Nights that much, so I'm not a control for that experiment.

No, it's not as good as Elf, but then, what is?

Cute Persons to look at (0-5): 1. Alas, not so much on the cute persons to look at. Neither Will nor Jon nor Craig T Nelson really do it for me, I have to say (I know, right?!?!). What's her name from The Office is in it, though, and if I were a dude, I'd think she's cute, so that's where the "1" comes from. There is one scene with Will and "Pam" that I'm not sure I could have filmed w/o laughing. Will gets his swerve on.

A Satisfying Ending (0-5): 5. It was all wrapped up at the end and that's my favorite kind of movie!!! And nobody's head got chopped off! Well, except for the North Korean's.

Action/ adventureness (0-5): 3. It's a figure skating fight to the death! It's actually really action-y, with all the skating stunt work and stuff!! Action, yes. Testosterone fueled action? They're figure skaters!.

Love storyness (0-5): 3. Gawky Jon Heder style! Oh, and there's that Will Ferrell moment... but I wouldn't really call that love.

Good Scaryness (0-5): 0. Except for the North Korea part, not scary. I was startled by it, though.

Kissing (0-5): N/A. Do I remember any kissing that didn't make me want to wash my eyes out with soap??? I can't remember. I think I may have had that part of my memory erased...

Cinematography/Special Effects (1-5): 2. I don't think there were any special effects? Decent cinematography?

Laughs (1-5): 4. I laughed a lot. Not as muich as Elf, the More Cowbell skit, or the Patriotic Thong skit, but more than Talladega Nights.

Extra Credit (10 points): N/A

Total: 18/35. The score is deceptively low. I expected to like it more than I actually did, but that doesn't mean it's not worth watching.

What, what?

Another website with which to entertain yourself...

But it's candy, it has to be good?!?!? Ah hah, my friend, not always true...

http://www.bad-candy.com/

Google, schmoogle

Go to Google
Click on maps
Click on Get Directions
From--> New York, New York
To--> Paris, France
Read line 23

At least it's not cats...

Everybody's having an affair with some tangible object, right?*.

After all, just check Dave's plastic cup on top of the clothes dryer (or the wicker basket next to my sister's front door).

Mine?

Socks: I have an entire 24 x 12 x 8 drawer full of them--not counting tights and stuff.

Underwear: Let's just say I could not-do laundry for about as long as it takes to make a brand new puppy.**

Umbrellas: I would hazard a guess at 8? Blue/yellow, red flowered, green duckhead, black reservoir-tip, brown, and 3 black London Fog ones. Four of them are in my car.

I would have another one if Dave hadn't yelled "Free Umbrella!" the last time he took my solid red one on the Metra. ***

Cheap Sunglasses: You only need one pair of sunglasses. Your head can really only accomodate one pair at a time. Maybe one black and one brown, but two pairs max.

I've got 5 pairs that live in my car. 3 of which are staring at me from my desk right now.

I have a problem.


So what's yours? I promise I won't tell anyone. It'll just be between you, me, and the 25558621325 people around the world who have internet access...

*Try pronouncing it obzh-ay. Like object d'art. It sounds less like an obsession that way.

*How long does it take to make a brand new puppy? 8 imaginary points to the winner. 1 imaginary consolation point to the first runner up.

**Not in a "Free Zimbabwe!" sort of way, though. More like, maybe, "Free Snowcones!".

Long time readers and those who know him...

....may find this somewhat amusing. Good thing I bought new gloves.

It's a photo finish!

The 6 imaginary points go to J.Z., with an answer of The Untouchables at 536pm yesterday!

1 imaginary consolation point also goes to E.G. who replied with the same correct answer at 644pm.

(I have such well-rounded friends...:)


For those of you keeping track, you can click on the "Points" label at the bottom to see any posts that have had points awarded. For that matter, you can click on any label to see all the posts in each label's category.

Fun mit Google, Part Funf

So here's a list of information you can get from Google via text (or SMS, as it's called):

What you want--> what you type in (the 5 digit numbers are the zip code)
Local Listings--> chili's 60050
Weather--> weather Chicago
Flight updates--> apparently you just type in your flight number, i.e. AA2111
Airline information--> United Airlines
Sports--> cubs
Movies--> blades of glory 60050
Stock Quotes--> type the stock ticker, like tgt for Target or IBM for, well, IBM
Glossary--> define zenith
Zip Code--> 72202
Translation--> translate hello in french
Driving Directions--> woodstock il to 60156
Web Snippets--> g hubble telescope
Q&A--> abraham lincoln birthday
Area Code--> 650
Froogle--> price ipod player 40gb
Calculator--> 1 US pint in liters
Currency Conversion--> 8 usd in yen

If you can't remember what to type, you can txt "help" to Google too. They say the reply messages might come out of order, so be patient, but in my experience, you really don't have to wait very long for an answer.

And here's a site where you can practice your cell phone googling, so that when the time comes, you'll be ready--> http://www.google.com/intl/en_us/mobile/sms/

The Chicago Way

"He sends one of yours to the hospital? You stuff one of his underneath a rack of shirts at Buckle in Vernon Hills."*

That's the Chicago Way.

*6 imaginary points to the first person to identify the movie

Speaking of the Fabulous Janes...

They're a local cover band, much as Modern Day Romeos are. I think the 2 bands have actually played together, if I remember correctly, and they're pretty good and really enjoyable.

Their concerts do have the distinction, additionally, of being the only 2 places in the whole world I have ever been hit on by another chick.

So, there you go, if MDR and The FJs play together again, there will be a little something for everyone.

I just, uh, hope there's a little less for me next time.

I love technology, but not as much as you, you see, but I still love technology...

...



now and forever...

Last time I was at Farm and Fleet, I recorded (with my cell phone) the baby turkeys that were residing near the cash registers. I really wanted to use their cute voices as a ringtone, but NewPhone said that the .amr file was non-acceptable content.

Why the phone would create audio files in a format that it itself can't use, I do not know.

I really wanted that turkey chick ringtone, though.

So I emailed the .amr file to myself from my phone, downloaded SmartAudioConverterPro to get the .amr into .mp3 file format, only to find that although NewPhone will play .mp3s, this particular .mp3 was still non-acceptable, then downloaded Audacity (with an accompanying .dll file) to convert the unusable .mp3 to another, virtually indistinguishable, usable .mp3 file, which I then reloaded on to my phone using the USB adapter and MicroSD card/SD adapter I got from Singapore via eBay.

Voila, turkey chick ringtone.


And I'm a biology major.


The Internet: Helping Normal People Sound Like Nerds Since 1992.


.

Part 2: The Makeup Chick

So I did promise to finish up my MT experience.

Apparently "new" customers of MT get a free makeup application when they get a facial. I didn't really care, but I guess some people are uncomfortable about going back out into the world sans makeup.

Not me. Course, I was pretty shiny at this point, so maybe it was for the best.

So the makeup chick, Mia, sits me down in her chair. She says she's been doing makeup for 4 years, but she looks about 22, so who knows?

Now, I'm occasionally a little bit sarcastic, so I was picking on her a little for the obsessive brush aligning she was performing before she began work on me, but I could tell that she didn't get that I was picking on her, so I just switched over to normal nice person behavior (yes, I'm capable--it's just not my default).

She then laughed and said, "You're cute." Which I thought was weird for a 22 year old makeup chick to say to a 32 year old female stranger, but hey, maybe she really thought I was cute*?

For the next few minutes, the conversation went as follows, and I finally burst out laughing.

Mia: What color eye make up do you usually wear?
Me: Well, usually cool brown or brownish-gray shadows and brown or charcoal liner.
Mia: Okay, hmm, how about gold eyeshadow.
Me: ...uh, okay?.....
Mia: And what do you usually wear on your lips?
Me: Oh reddish-brown or brownish-red. Not usually anything that would be in the fuschia family, though
Mia: Okay...let's see what we have [pulls out a bunch of lip glosses]. How about this color lip gloss? [Holds up a tube of bright freakin pink]
Me: [Bursts out laughing, in a somewhat If-you-walk-away-I-will-immediately-begin-making-fun-of-you sort of way]

She asked me why I was laughing and I finally told her that if she just wants to do what she wants to do, then don't ask what I want to do. For the most part, if you ask someone, "How about we try some gold eyeshadow", they'll probably say OK.

So, there's Mario Tricoci in a nutshell**. FWIW.

:)

*Now, if we were at Fabulous Janes show, I wouldn't be so surprised.

**No, this is MT in a nutshell: "Help, I'm in a bloody great nutshell!"

Mario Tricoci, Part 1

So, my sissy and I got MT gift certificates from our mom for Xmas presents, and last weekend, we went to the spa for some luxuriating!

We decided to get a facial, manicure, and pedicure each, you know, so that when it turned cold again 3 days later, we'd be able to cover up our pretty new skin and nails with closed-toe shoes and wool coats. Freaking March.


Anyway. The facial. I had never had a facial before, and although I am not a huge fan of traditional chick pampering, I thought, hey, might as well stave off the crow's feet for a few more years with some decent skin care, yeah?

Aside from the impressive level of claustrophobia I experienced (more on that later), it was good! They cleansed and exfoliated (my brain always wants to say defoliated, but that's a whole 'nother thing altogether*) and steamed and moisturized and toned and sunproofed.

I came out feeling good, but very, very slimy. I'm not sure my face has ever been that shiny. It was almost to the point where I wanted to let people know that my face didn't usually look like this.

The claustrophobia was something else entirely, and apparently it wasn't just me, b/c my sister asked me after I came out, how I fared with the smotherfication! See, here were the problems:

-- I'm claustrophobic to begin with
-- You change out of your clothes into a velcro towel sort of minidress thing, which I had velcroed too tight, such that it kind-of restricted deep breathing...
-- The table is a kind of sculptured thing that you're sunk into
-- I'm claustrophobic (AHHHH!!! HELP ME!!!!)
-- You're under a sheet and blanket
-- ...I couldn't fix the towel b/c the esthetician** had lotioned my hands, put plastic bags on them, and put them in these giant heating pad oven mitt things
-- At times I had warm, heavy towels on my shoulders, face and or neck (can't breathe...)
-- At other times, my face was covered with scented goo
-- A steam wand was blowing steam on my face (...stealing...my...air...)

All of these things combined to have me reassuring myself silently, "you're still breathing, you're still breathing". Kind of like Amanda K getting her hair washed, "Don't cry, don't cry".

I survived, though. Which is nice.

So we then had MT's Signature pedicure and manicures. They were your standard, good, salon mani/pedi***. A heated vibrating chair, a bubbling foot bath, lots of scented scrubby and lotiony things, pretty polish. The Elizabeth Arden polishes, however brown they may look, are a lot redder once they're out of the bottle, so, you know, caveat pedicur-or.



*"That's a whole 'nother thing"****

**That's what they call people who do facials and waxing and stuff--estheticians. Apparently the money they make somewhat compensates for the icky parts of their job. At least that's what she told me...

***I have to say that I don't go to the storefront nail places. I know a lot of people do go, and they don't have any trouble, but I know too many people who have gotten infections from places like that. And those nail infections are sooo hard to cure! Plus, some places use those callus shaver things which are, I'm pretty sure, illegal, and, according to those who've seen them, result in pieces of your foot being shaved off such that they look like slices of parmesan cheese. Eww.


**** 5 points to the first to identify the movie! 10 points if you're younger than 25.


Tomorrow: Part 2, The Makeup Artist

And now, a shameless plug for my cousin's custom greeting card business...

What's the point of having a blog, if you can't do as you please.?

My cousin (in-law) Jill is a graphic designer, and she and my cousin Michael have launched a website for her custom-designed greeting cards--> http://www.jilizart.com/

Jill and Mike have been to a couple of the parties we've had at our house, so some of you might have met them. They live in Arlington Heights and Jill's cards are super-purty :)

So, there you go. Super-purty cards made with love by someone I like :)

What could be better? Huh?

BIL Nick brings us another cool thing about Google!

My BIL Nick showed me a very cool Google trick this weekend!

You can get phone numbers (and even addresses!) from Google via text emssage, without paying the $2 it costs to call directory assistance. Plus, for you agoraphobes, you don't even have to talk to anyone! It costs only what your cell phone company usually charges for text messages.

Here's how-->
1) Compose a text message with what you need in the body of the message--in my case, I typed "Westlane Bowl Crystal lake".
2) Then, send it to 466459 (spell out Google).

Soon, Google will send you back what it can dig up from directory assistance.

I love Google!

....even though it's probably secretly planning to destroy the world....

What am I giving up for Lent?

Stealing this sign.

So I said thank you?

What else do you say to that? Huh? I think the optometrist may have blushed a little :)

Yep, I got fitted for contacts yesterday....and no, I've not relaxed my stand on the corrective vision aids I'm not going to wear. I rarely relax my stand on anything! (Really. Ask Dave.)

I came across fun Halloween/costume party lenses on the internet recently and I thought I might as well get measured so that if I ever wanted them, I could have them at a moment's notice.

It wasn't so bad, but I would recommend asking if you can put them in yourself--even if you've never done it before. Funny thing how your eyes do exactly as they're designed to do when a stranger is trying to stick his finger in them. THEY CLOSE! Every time! Eventually, with lots of involuntary tears and voluntary kleenexes we got the test lenses in and they fit fine.

So, next he had me put in some colored lenses, b/c they'e more similar to the size of the novelty ones. I chose blue, since they're the most dissimilar to what I was born with.

You can't believably change brown eyes to any other color, but like I told Dave, if you met someone whose eyes were this blue/brown color naturally, you'd marry them immediately. The dark brown stayed brown and the lighter specks turned blue. It was really fascinating to look at.

Getting them out sucked. Apparently my tight lids make it really hard to get contacts out, so all day yesterday, I felt like someone had taken a toothbrush to the insides of my eyelids.*



*Or maybe that was just the whiskey from last weekend. It's hard to tell...

Things that sound dirty when they're not...

Me: Ugh, I'm really having a hard time getting it out. I feel like I'm going to scratch myself to death.

The Dr: Try sliding it over to the side where it's less sensitive. Then you should be able to grab it with the meat of your fingers.

Me: Oh, it's not that--it's rubbing against the inside when I move it. That's the part that hurts.

The Dr: Yeah, I noticed that when I was trying to put it in while we were in the other room.

You've got really tight lids.

China update 27942

The decent news:
We got a letter from Immigration saying that they're ready for us to go get our 3rd fingerprinting.*

The no-so-decent news:
We have to go to Waukegan to do it. Booooo.

And, the wait for a babe is now up to 17 months from the time you get your paperwork in to China.

*The fingerprinting story, in case you don't remember. And, apparently, no governmental agency can "share" fingerprints with any other agency, even though they're the same fingers I had a year ago.

http://mairzydoats.blogspot.com/2006/02/valentines-day.html#links

http://mairzydoats.blogspot.com/2006/02/y-m-c.html#links

A St. Patrick's Day arithmetic lesson...

Now get your pencils out.

The Friday before St. Pat's Day + lots of good friends + a fun bar and dancing + Larry, beer, and a sharpie + Meredith, whiskey sours, and a strangely missing "T" in her signature...

...minus both of our spouses exercising their sworn duties as monitors...

equals?

Sr. Ann Therese always said, if you want to keep track of something, you really should write your name on it.

Florida vacay pics (so far...)

71 degrees at 1109pm on February 23rd? You can't beat that!










The beach at Bahia Honda state park (can't remember what Key this was on)





Me @ a harbor in Miami





The sunset @ Malloy Square in Key West. Everyone gathers every night to watch the sun fall off the edge of the earth here. The next bit of land is Cuba!

It seems--along with giving me other problems--my Florida post

got eaten by the post-monster.

So--for those I haven't seen since then, Dave and I were in Key West from 2/23 - 2/26. It's such a nice place to vacation. :) It was warm (high 70s, I'd say) and sunny, we strolled up and down Duval St, got a new toe ring from "The World's Most Comfortable Toe Ring" store (still wearing it, which says a lot, considering my past history with toe rings!), swam in the pool and @ Smathers Beach, rented an electric car and zipped around the island.

Went to Hemingway's house. Spent a few days in sandals and a tank top. Didn't see any fish, though. All in all a great place to vacation!

We also spent one day in Miami, and while South Beach was interesting to see (all the people dolled up and the Art Deco hotels and the velvet rope nightclubs), the whole city was under construction, which made it SOOO noisy. Like vacationing on the Dan Ryan. Yuck.

I also found a swimsuit store on Islamorada called Lion's Lair that had underwire swimsuits that fit (!!). I'm so happy!

I'll post a few of the cell phone pics I have. Don't have the real pics back yet.

*Sniff*

Mmmm, it even smells like spring outside. And so what that it's going to be back down to 32 this weekend--spring is on its way!

Finally.

Testing, testing

Sibilance

--
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I bet if they put Farm and Fleet on the moon, we could colonize!

Well, it is an option. Sheesh.

And most importantly...

...clothing...

...music...and books, for you intellectuals.....

...healthcare...

...food, prefood, and bait, you know, depending on how fresh you like it ...

Me? I'm going with the Mike n Ikes. Or maybe the waffles. It depends.

If there's ever a nuclear apocalypse, you'll find me at Farm and Fleet

After all, they've got...

Free Dog

Affectionate. Cute. Good fetcher. Sleeps all day and stays. awake. all. night.

Yeah.

Morning.

And it really couldn't be much more "morning" if it tried, for me. Last night I went to sleep at 1030. Between then and 141 am, the dog got up 3 times. Then, Dave got up at 230 for work, I watched about 20 minutes of the Girls Gone Wild infomercial--wondering what percentage of the girls shown felt regret and how many were fine with it all--and then got in the shower and came to work.

Soo tired................... :)

OMGosh! Are you guys okay? I finally am able to login! Apparently it had something to do with cookies and security and privacy settings and stuff.

But! I’m here. Let’s see, what’s new since 1/26?

Um. It’s been really cold here if you’re not in the area. The other day I found Coke can shrapnel under my car. I couldn’t figure out where the Coke had gone until I looked at the garage wall above the refrigerator. Frozen Coke slime. All over the wall, lightswitch, garage door opener. It was great. Really

On 1/30, I went to the dentist. It was okay. I got a new toothbrush.

The Bears did not win the Super Bowl, although we had a pretty fun party anyway! I think we had about 35 people, including kids. There were no broken bones or split lips, so I consider it a roaring success. Except for the frozen drinks in the garage. Unintendedly frozen drinks, that is

Ummm, It’s been really, really cold, skip, skip, skip, this past weekend we had a baptism and then DB and I split up for Sat night. He went to the baptism party and I went to Antioch (most enjoyably pronounced Ahn-tee-och [like yer a leprechaun]) for a girls’ night in with my old work friends. It was fun.

And, so now it’s Monday 2/12 (Lincoln’s birthday, btw. No, Lincoln the president. Well…former president).

It’s still cold, but not as much.

We got snow this morning, we’re getting more snow this evening.

The Solutions catalog should send me the tank tops I ordered before I leave for my Florida vacay.

I wish I had an inside hook for the $9 hammock chair I ordered from a catalog (that actually did manage to deliver it to my house on time, unlike other catalog which shall remain nameless).

There. That’s what I know. For now.

Something's not working in blogland! I've not been able to sign in to post
in over a week. Can someone email me if they read this, to let me know it
got there? (I'm posting from hotmail)

Dirty Dancing is on We right now, and

Go Bears! Yep, what possibly is my favorite movie on TV and the hometeam in the Superbowl for the fi

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"Mairzydoats. It's everywhere you want to be"

Hi-LAR-ious!

I won't tell you what my first one said!

Try it out with things other than names too. Like "colonoscopy". Or "hangover". Or "food poisoning". Or "sweet love".

The fun is endless, really

http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi?word=mairzydoats

My new favorite blog that I didn't write:

http://www.thingsmyboyfriendsays.com

It's not nice. It's downright offensive. And I'm glad he's not my boyfriend.

But it's funny...

And now for something extra super creepy looking

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/01/24/shark.japan.reut/index.html

Just when you thought it was okay to go back in the--hey, what the h*ll is that?!?

I never did update on the glasses I'm not wearing

So apparently I've got 20/40 vision, which doesn't really surprise me. I've decided to obtain glasses (note I didn't say "get", b/c that would imply I'm going to wear them, which I'm not).

I'm mostly getting them because I do concede that they'd be useful at night when trying to read streetsigns. And also, I don't want to go to renew my driver's license, not pass the vision test, and not be able to drive home.

But I'm not going to wear them. Really. As I was picking them out, I think I drove the girl crazy, b/c I kept telling her that it was okay that they're going to be fragile and that they didn't have scratch coating, b/c they'll be perfectly safe in their little case that I never plan on opening.

I just feel like if I wear them, then my eyes (and brain) will get used to, you know, seeing, and then when I don't ahave them on I won't be able to see.

Case in point? Dave.
2001: Glasses when driving.
2007: Glasses or contacts during every breathing minute he's not sleeping.

Besides, I think cavemen still successfully hunted wooly mammoths with 20/40 vision.

[I am kind of excited to get them, though. I think they're pretty cute. Not on me, of course, but objectively cute. We'll see (so to speak).]

Give me your opinions on mp3 players...

I got an iPod shuffle for Xmas, but after thinking about the fact that it has no screen and I'd have to sift thru to find a song I want (like, say, Michael Jackson for a couch surfing demonstration, for example), I decided to return it. It was so small--I really liked it.*

My phone has an mp3 player built in, but I don't always want to have it sitting out on my desk and stuff.

The thing is, I don't know what to replace the Shuffle with. I mean, I'd be leaning toward the iPod mini (I like the red one), but I wonder how annoying it is that the files one gets from iTunes are officially supposed to play only on Apple products.

Do anyone have an opinion? Can iTunes files (.AAC, I believe) be burned to CD and reemerge as an .mp3 file (like so Dave and I could illicitly share songs?)?

And--can anyonetj explain what Zune is?

Help!

*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GQBABkFI34
.
.

Eye doctor say huh?

So, in April of 2005, at the ripe age of 30, I made my first pilgrimmage to an eye doctor.

DB had always picked on me for my squinting habit, and, so, delighted in the fact that I finally did go. Now, I admit that I could benefit from corrective vision in the short term (more on that later), but I really went because I was getting bright flashes of light and dark spot in my vision.

And I thought, if my retinas are detaching, I should probably be aware of that.

Well, the retinas weren't detaching, but after the doctor looked at my dilated eyes with that blue and white light thingy, he sat back and just said, "Huh." It turns out my vitreouses were detaching, which is normal when you're 50. Which I'm not. So I've got that going for me. (Which is nice.)

"Come back in 6 months"..skip, skip, skip...I was supposed to go back for a checkup in Oct 2005, but I didn't. I went back yesterday.

It's a new doctor this time and I had told him about the previous doctor and my detaching vitrei and so on and so forth.

So he's looking at my eyes, again with the blue and white light machine, and I'm telling him how the old doctor looked at my eyes and just said "Huh". This doc made a noise that gave me the impression that he felt like the old doc wasn't very good at what he did. As soon as I finished my little story, what did he do?

Sat back in his chair and said, "Huh." "I've never seen anything like this." And this doc was an optometrist in the military where there are a lot of eyeballs. We looked in the weird eye stuff book, and it wasn't even listed in there either.

I'm really glad that I can't have something normal wrong with me.

Apparently it's something weird with my lens and he's going to talk to his eye friends and get back to me.


Greaaaat.

Next chapter: I'm not wearing them anyway, so it doesn't really matter.

Maybe I Have a Concussion...

... a.k.a: This Is What Happens When You Burn The Candle At Both Ends

...a.a.k.a: Fun Things To Do In McHenry County In Winter


Oh, I have a headache. I've had 6 Excedrin so far in this 24 hour period. I had a little bit of it last night when I went to bed, but then it came back with prejudice at 1241 this morning.

At that point, I realized it was a migraine, whereas when I went to bed, I thought, "it's probably just a concussion."

Which bring me to my first fun thing to do in McHenry County (not necessarily in order of experience)
1) A warehouse full of moon jumps
This particular one is called Bounces R Us (in Richmond) and we went for the 3rd birthday party of one of the kids. I had forgotten, a little, how much fun moon jumps were. The kids had such a good time!

I had also forgotten how much enjoyment 8-10 adults can have when they really should be setting a better example. We tried out several of the jumps, including getting a lot of enjoyment out of seeing which of the boys could make it over the hill on the Spiderman jump (heave...heave...). Also enjoyable? Seeing 2 men dashed to the ground when the inflatable side of the jump suddenly collapses.

My favorite, however, was the fire truck. At least I think it was a fire truck. When you're bouncing around upside down on the inside of something, sometimes it's hard to tell. Anyway, it consisted of a port in the side for entering (or being thrown thru, which was also enjoyable), a landing zone, a stairway of sorts (which was really hard to scale--especially while carrying a 4 year old on one's back), and a giant slide.

Now, it was pretty fun to just slide down the slide, but it's even funner to race up the ladder and then cannonball down the slide, seeing how many times you can "skip" yourself before coming to a crashing halt upsidedown in the pile of laughing people sitting at the bottom, having moonjumpburn not only on your exposed elbows, but also on your ribcage. And maybe your face.

Sniff, I miss my college days.

2) Another fun thing to do in the McH in winter is this: DANCE LESSONS!
Dave got me private dance lessons for me for a Xmas present, partly b/c I love to dance, but also b/c I delight in picking on him for the frowny dance face he makes.

Our lessons were Sat am and I picked swing and salsa. I already love swing dancing, so that was all good already. The salsa was fun too! Dave hardly made any dance face at all!

Here's the contact info if you want to try it out. They also teach group lessons at some of the local park districts and some dance studios. So fun!

Frank and Jackie Penze (professional ballroom dance [and other dances] instructors): dancelessons@dancefoxvalley.org

3) All skate, change directions!
If you know what that means, then you and I are near the same age! And you, like I, spent some of your childhood in the roller rink. On Saturday afternoon, I went with an adult birthday party crowd to the roller rink in McHenry.

Since it was a 31 Going On 13 party, we were all dressed in our 13-year-old finery.
Most of us didn't fall (although there was one broken wrist--Michelle's aunt--hope she recovers quickly!).

The rink is as standardly grimy as I always remember them being, sighhh, and the snack bar served chips with that great orange cheesy goo. Ahhh, nostalgia...

http://www.justforfunrollerrink.com/months/january/januaryindex.htm

NYE Award List!

We were the the drunkest fools there!
(but only some of us were sick the next day...hmmm...which ones?)
Our names are Eddie, Heather, Larry A, Meredith, Stefanie, Jenn, and Jackie!

Could I have been any whinier?
(it's been independently verified, so, apparently not ;)
My name is Heather!

Everybody there saw our cleavage!
(Cleavages?)
Our names are Jackie and Meredith!

We were wearing red underwear!
(We were sooo hot...in our own opinions...)
Our names are Bobby R, Mary T, and Meredith!

The food I made was so good!
(peanut butter s'mores are like manna from heaven...i did so make them myself!...yes without Bobby's help!)
My name is Jackie!

I was a karaoke soooperstar!
(and I'm too sexy for this karaokemachine)
My name is Joe!

I whooped your asses in Sequence!
(Yeah I did! Then I rocked it Piggy-style)
My name is Bobby!

No I love you man!
(no, dude, listen...really...I love you...)
My name is Larry A!

I mixed beer and liquor on NYE, just like they say not to!
(and I've been seen upright since then, so word is, I survived...)
My name is Jenn!

NYE video, take 2

Okay, I've fooled around with the settings--if you tried and couldn't see them before, try again. Voila!

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.myvideos&MyToken=3b8fed91-6af3-44e1-99a7-b895092b1a1f

So, as my cats sat on the bathroom sink this morning, waiting for the wildebeast to show up...

.
.
.
.maybe I should start at the beginning.

Every morning, while I'm brushing my teeth and such, I fill the other sink in our bathroom with water, so Lincoln and Piper can get a drink. Usually, the littleun will perch on the edge of the sink, take a drink, and leave.

The biggun, needing to be different at all costs, will duck walk his feet down the inside of the sink until his paws are just above the edge of the water. He'll then lean over (like you may have seen giraffes on Nova doing at African watering holes), take a ridiculously extended drink of water, stick his paw in--only to then flick the water all over the mirror--and then leave.

This morning, after taking their drinks, the smittens sat there at the sink for about 25 minutes, looking at the water.

I told Dave--and Lincoln and Piper, although they just nodded their heads and went back to staring at the water--it's not like a wildebeast or a gazelle or a zebra is going to show up in the bathroom. Unless you come across some errant boxelder zebra, there's not going to be any dramatic prey thing you're going to be able relate to your cat friends over the suburban catdrum network.

And this got me thinking...

Wouldn't it be great--and it wouldn't really have to made of actual zebra--if they sold cat food that was labeled as Zebra Grill or Gazelle in Sauce? I'd get so much more enjoyment out of feeding my cats if I could dish out some Wildebeast Stew.

Of course, I'd have to tell the cats it was zebra or gazelle or wildebeast, since they can't read, but I think they'd appreciate it.

Maybe the cat food companies could come up with some artificial zebra flavoring?

You know, so the cats aren't like, "Hey--this tastes suspiciously like Mixed Grill!".
.
.
.
.

Hey non-McHenry county readers...

...with all the New Year's Eve postings going on lately, I don't want those of you who aren't in the area to feel left out.

So, hey, all you Missourians and Pennsylvanites who might be reading!

All you Oregonians or Wisconsinites.

All you randomblog websurfers.

Just because you won't find karaoke video of yourself singing your somewhat drunken heart out on myspace, that doesn't mean we don't care here.

In fact, send me your drunken karaoke video clips and I'll post them for all to see. I'm equal opportunity right--I wouldn't want you not to be embarrassed, just 'cause you weren't there :)

NYE video posted on myspace!

Hi all,
So there are some clips of the midnight to 4am karaoke binge posted on myspace. Don't worry--the files are marked private and are copy-protected, so at least you shouldn't find yourself on WebJunk20 on VH1 anytime soon!


http://www.myspace.com/mairzydoats

Movie Review: A Night at the Museum

So, Dean (of WGN's "Dean's List") gave this movie a D-. I was really disappointed, since the commercials had me wanting to see it. Well, this weekend, we threw caution to the wind and went to see it with the S and L of Johnsburg. If I didn't feel this way before, I certainly feel this way now: I just don't usually agree with the movie reviewers.

Is it going to win an Oscar?. No, it's a movie about a night guard at a museum where things come to life at night. This is not On Golden Pond. But--it was funny and I liked it.

Cute Persons to look at (0-5): 3. Depends on your preferences. I've always though Ben Stiller was cute and shapely, so I though there was at least a decent cute person to look at. Plus, the girl who plays the museum docent was pretty cute too, in a scholarly way, so there might be a little something for the guys as well. For the older crowd? Dick Van Dyke is in it, and the scenes that run during the credits show that ole' Dick's still got it. Give him a Cockney accent and it could have been Mary Poppins all over again!

As an aside, Ben Stiller is one of the best runners I've seen in any movie. You know how some people look like newborn giraffes when they run? Not Ben. In fact, I was sitting there wondering when they'd make him run somewhere (as they do in every movie he's in--just watch the next time you see one*), when off he went, across the museum! He's really, really fast (and cute)!

A Satisfying Ending (0-5): 5. I love movies with good endings! Without giving too much away, regarding: the girl, the boy, the kid, the evil-doers, the animals, Teddy Roosevelt, and Attila the Hun; it was very satisfying. I walked out smiling and that's my favorite kind of movie!

Action/ adventureness (0-5): 3. It's no Terminator, but yeah, there was a lot of running around and action and crazy antics. Thoroughly enjoyable! I even liked Owen Wilson, whom I usually think is a bit of a manwhore.

We liked it; the kids behind us (when they weren't stage-whispering, "no, mom, the popcorn!!!") liked it; the kid who did a triple-lindy off the bottom step of the mezzanine, spilling all his popcorn in a somewhat amazing arc, but never dropping the container or his self-possession? He liked it too.

Love storyness (0-5): 1. There was a little bit of flirtation, but not much of a love story. That's okay, it didn't take away from the enjoyment.

Good Scaryness (0-5, optional): NA. It wasn't really intended to be scary. Unless you've got a Hun thing.

Kissing (1-5): 0. There's not any kissing that I recall. I always think kissing makes a movie better, but in this one, it's okay. I can live without it. I think.

Cinematography/Special effects (0-5): 4. They were pretty good. Probably the stars of the movie, honestly, but that doesn't mean the rest of the movie suffered. Not like "Wow, technology is truly amazing"-good, but more like "Man, their writers really had some good ideas--good thing the CG people could come through"-good.

Laughs (1-5): 4. I laughed a lot. Good, clean, kids-and-adults-would-both-think-it's-funny-although-maybe-in-different-parts, enjoyable laughter. I do think that adults would think it's funnier than kids would (we laughed more than the kids behind us), but I don't think the kids would even know they're not laughing at all the funny parts, so they'd never be the wiser. And that's fine.

Extra Credit (10 points): 8. I can't give away what I thought was the best part, but if you've ever had a dog that fetches, you'll laugh a lot. :)

Total: 28/30.

*You know how Neve Campbell always has her mouth open? Kind of like that. You just wait for it to happen, cause you know it's coming...

Happy New Years! (Part I)

Well, I, for one, had so much fun at the NYE party!

Things I've learned from having a NYE party...
There were 51 people there, I believe, including the kids. At least that's the best estimate I can come up with now. 51 people bring a lot of food. Mmmm, food.

A bunch of people and kids were there at midnight to ring in the new year, fewer people were there around 4am when karaoke wound down, I went to bed at 430ish, around 13 people stayed over, the JV squad apparently stayed up until 7(!), it looked like Jonestown in the living room until about 9pm last night.

Clear plastic champagne flutes have a tendency to splash your drink if you set them down too quickly.

Flirtinis hurt like a b*tch if you get them in your eye (see above). Although, one of your friends may kindly offer to let you rinse it out with some of their beer.

Beer bottles bounce when they hit the floor. Red glass champagne flutes, not so much.

Neither Chuck nor Larry will let you paint their toenails blue. Even when they've been drinking. Even if you ask really nicely and offer 2 shades of blue.

Karaoke roulette rocks. Who cares if you've got a good singing voice if you're not the one who picked out the song. Everybody can sing Sexual Healing...you just have to try...

Now, Ed ain't sayin' you a golddigger...

Drunk people will play the h*ll out of little wooden instruments and a few tambourines.

A group of 5 year old girls singing Pussycat Dollz "Don't Cha" is the funniest thing ever. So's having it on tape for future blackmail.

Abby K likes giving people tours of the upstairs of my house. Particularly the master bathtub.

Italian beef should stay where you put it.

The Superlatives nominations list from the fridge will be posted tomorrow, but Bobby R, Mary T, and I were all wearing red underwear.

Purple Hooters taste like poison.

Peanut butter S'mores do not taste like poison, however. They taste gooood.

It gets really cold in the basement at night, in winter. Particularly when Meredith opens the window during karaoke and never closes it.



.....more to follow....

I think I may be on the other side of my favorite Xmas present!

BIL NIck is apparently still sick, but I think I'm all better now. Only 5 days of feeling like death!

A guy here at work wonderd if I was Hepatitis A. I had wondered the same thing...

My mom got my dad a Global Warming* Mug for Xmas

It's got a world map on it and when you pour in a hot drink, the coastlines disappear.



*...don't be ridiculous, global warming doesn't exist...

A Food Poisoning Christmas

Yep, you read it right. And the CDC says there's no such thing as a 24 hour flu bug, so it really does seem that DB, BIL Nick, and I got an extra present this year!

Stop reading here if you're emetophobic...

We don't really know what caused it--could be the hummus or the spinach dip--but DB started feeling poorly in the afternoon of Xmas day. He said he just felt badly. He hit the sack at 8pm that night and felt fine by the time he left for work in the morning.

I didn't have to work on 12/26 (which is my half-birthday, btw), which I am so thankful for. I started feeling I-don't-think-I'm-going-to-throw-up-but-I'm-also-not-sure-I'm-NOT-going-to-throw-up-either around 9am on the day after Xmas. I thought maybe it was the beginnings of a migraine, but though Excedrin helped the headache, it didn't really do anything for the reversal of fortune feelings.

I spent the day at my parents' house and Nick came by to pick stuff up. He said he had had about a half-hour of maybe-I-will-maybe-I-won't on Xmas night, but that after that, he felt fine.

What's weird is that my sister and my parents weren't sick. My parents weren't with us on Xmas eve, but my sissy was, so explain that..

I, on the other hand, didn't feel better by dinner-time, so DB and I went home to our home. Over the course of the evening, I determined that I had won the blue ribbon for this year's poisoning competition. In addition to what I'm sure you can already guess, I had a 101F fever and a pain in my side and I didn't sleep last night. I feel better now, though.

For example, I am almost 100% sure I'm not going to throw up anymore.

Did I mention I'm at work today?

It's getting on time for the annual parking of the lawn

And by that, I mean our NYE Party!!!

So, if you know me well enough that you'd feel comfortable calling me on the phone [sorry, random web readers, this one is invite only], and you're going to be in town, email/call/comment me and let me know--I'll add you to the Evite!

Yes, it's time for more random parking on our grass (though not on our septic system), running around of kids (old and young alike), drinking, eating, and general merriment! Also available, Bobby R's famous karaoke roulette.

I believe this year we may not need to salt the driveway, however, we may need additional coolers, as the forecast is clear and not freezing cold.

I'm trying to figure out a few main cocktails to have in addition to the beer and whatever you all bring. Here are the top runners--let me know which 2 you like best...

Abracadabra
1 part Tequila
1 part Apricot Brandy
2 parts lemon juice
1 part lychee juice (though I might skip this)

Flirtini
1/2 part Triple Sec
1/2 part Vodka
Top off w/ champagne
1 part pineapple juice

Purple Hooter
1/2 part Vodka
1 part raspberry liqueur
1/4 part lime juice

Pink Lady
1/2 part white Rum
1 part creme de cassis
Top w/ orange juice
1/2 part lemon juice

Perhaps Fratalian?

God bless whomever Dunkin Donuts has for a marketing agency!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlbhbKaIBcU

Alarm Clock Catastrophe is good too--gotta find a link for you...

I went to an actual Work Holiday Party yesterday!

It wasn't one of those downtown dress-up ones, but it was nice nonetheless! I was tempted to (and threatened to!) wear my red ballgown, but in the end, I just wore a plaid skirt*.

Which is good, because at the table of 9 I sat at, 5 people had on blue shirts and tan pants. I was holding up the holiday dressing along with 2 of my red-sweatered friends and 1 darkgreen shirted loner and it was no small task.

As I told the grinches, they apparently got the Bank Audit memo, instead of the Holuiday Party memo. And, actually, it was an "offsite team building", if anyone asks.

Everybody got presents too! Mine were tall, red, v-shaped, stemmed glasses. A coworker of mine got a set of 4 stemmed cordial glasses (high-class shot glasses, he said), from which we promptly drank our Guinnesses in the bar after lunch. Mmm, beer in tiny little glasses...

It was really fun :) Yay HCY!



*No, not just a skirt

Clorox bleach pen--good.

So, several Xmases ago, my Uncle Tom spilled red wine on my arm at one of our holiday dinners (not on purpose, I think). It was my right arm. I couldn't ever get the stain out, but liked the shirt, so I just stuffed it in my closet.

Then I moved and brought the shirt with me.

Recently, for no reason other than it was hanging in the checkout lane while I was waiting (sucker), I bought a Clorox bleach pen. It sat at home for some time, not being used, until one day I dug the white shirt--oh, yeah, did I mention it was a new, white shirt?--out of my closet.

Since I was doing some cleaning out, it was either fix the shirt, dye it, or throw it out. I didn't have any dye at home, but I did have this bleach pen. Sure--putting bleach directly on fabric is usually a recipe for holes later down the line, but since I hadn't worn it in a few years and, as I said above, one of the other options was the garbage, I tried it.

I scribbled on each of the now-brown red wine stain that covered the arm of my shirt, left it alone for a while and then washed it with some other clothes that were bleach-safe.

Lo and behold--I am now again wearing my white long-sleeved shirt! Thanks Clorox Bleach Pen!

Did I also mention that it subsequently took bird poop off the front of a white tank top I have?

Well, it subsequently took bird poop off the front of a white tank top I have. So there you go.

Ask me how much it's going to cost to fix the sharkbite on my car? Go on, ask me..

.
.
.
.
.
.
$950 and someodd cents. I'm both surprised and not surprised. They have to replace a whole metal piece and the "spoiler" on the back, so I guess that's a lot of labor, but sheesh. Alomst $1000 to fix a dent and scrape.

Ah, well, might as well embark on replacing all the sheet metal on this car too. (Just kidding! By this time in my Zuzu, there had been at least 2 accidents!)

It looks like we're heading right for Wendy's!

Something the Western Canadians said while we were driving to the Wolves game on Tuesday reminded me of something 2 of my college friends once remarked on--and it made me laugh all over again.

Having lived in the Greater Chicagoland Metropolitan Area all my life, it never occurred to me that our method of providing gas and chow to highway travelers was unique. Having, say, a Wendy's or a Hardee's or a McDonald's suspended across a line of cars going 80 miles per hour seems perfectly normal to me.

That is, until people who haven't driven the IL tollways* point out the front window and say, "Oh my god! It looks like we're heading right for Wendy's! That's so weird!"

Uh, that's 'cause we are heading right for Wendy's.

I went to college in Kirksville, MO for a semester and made 2 very good friends while I was there. After I had left MO, they flew into Midway for a visit and I picked them up there. As we were driving home from Midway on I55, sure enough, we drove right under the Hinsdale Oasis (OMG, we're heading right for Wendy's!!!!)

This past Tuesday it happened again! We're driving along I90 and the Western Canadians were like, "What is that?!?" McDonald's and a gas station. "But it looks like it's above the road" It is above the road.

Yep, that's how we do things here in IL--when we say haute cuisine**, we mean it!

I find it so enjoyable that a hovering fast-food spaceship can entertain college students and grown people alike :)


*http://www.illinoistollway.com/portal/page?_pageid=57,1300922,57_1301152&_dad=portal&_schema=PORTAL

**http://babelfish.altavista.com/

The Chicago Wolves and a Canadian who had never been to a hockey game.

This week, 2 of DB's business associates/friends were in from Kamloops, BC, Canada. Tuesday night we took them to a Chicago Wolves game, one of which I had never been to, and it was really fun!

One of our 2 guests had never been to a hockey game?!? :O (I think the plans to revoke her Canadian membership card are already underway.)

It's not as crowded as a Hawks game, cheaper, and there's more yelling. Plus you can get really close seats, even at the last minute. Not enough fights to suit me, though, but really, are there ever?

I mean, I guess you'd have to like hockey, but it *was* really fun. And cold. So wear a jacket. And don't wear a miniskirt. Brrr.


Oh, and I'm writing a new book. So far I've got the title and the first line. It's going to be called: "Things That Rhyme When You're From British Columbia".

Like better and bitter.

Eh.

Oh, Canadia, my home and native land...

The BP carwash took a bite out of my car :(

Forgot to share my car's boo-boo!

Saturday, after the big snow, I took my car over to be washed, just to get a layer of wax on it to defend against all the salt.

While I was slowly driving thru the during undercarriage part of the wash, the overhead door came down and took a chomp out of the back of my poor car. I have to say I'm quite surprised at how hard those doors come down!

I called the station owner and he was really nice and helpful and apologetic (I wasn't mad--sh*t, as they say, happens). I'm getting an estimate today and his insurance company will handle the rest.

Here's the picture...

I heart city driving

So, although my reason for driving to Chicago on Monday night was sad, I did get to engage in one of my favorite activities--CITY DRIVING!

I say this without a trace of sarcasm. I really do like driving in the city--I like to take out my pent up aggression on the poor unsuspecting folk around me. Squishing my car into spaces that it doesn't rightly belong in, merging whether it's my turn or not, parallel parking, pulling out into heavy traffic with only a best-guess estimate as to whether there's enough space.

Ahhhh.

Now, when are we going to play whirlyball?*

*http://www.whirlyball.com/

FedEx customer service: 12/06/2006

Hi, I'm shipping something back that I ordered, and I have a pre-paid label, but I don't have it in front of me. I was wondering what I need to do in order to schedule a pick-up.

Okay, I can help you with that. Is it Fedex freight or ground?

Oh...I don't know, I don't have the label with me. I guess that's the best thing to do, huh? Call when back when I'm looking at the label?

No, I can help you, just look at the label and tell me what it says on the bottom.

Yeah, I don't have the label with me--I don't know what it says. I'll just call back when I have it.

Oh, you don't have the label with you?

No, I'm at work and it's at home. I'll call back when I get it.

Well, do you know if it's freight or ground?

Nooo, I don't know. I'll just call back

Oh, yep, you're going to need the label. Just call back when you have it.

Okay...thanks.


In her defense, she was super nice, but I felt a little like Abbott & Costello. NO! The label's pitching, FedEx freight is catching!

I'm going to miss Mr. G

I went to a wake in Chicago last night--one of my college roomies lost her dad. He was 88 (she had been raised by her grandparents) and he was such a great guy. I really liked him and I'm going to miss him a lot.

Her family is full-blown Italian (I felt conspicuously curly- and light-haired at the wake!). Her dad was a shorter, gruff-voiced man who taught her how to cook things like pasta fazool (mmm, real food in college!). There were pictures all over the place at the funeral hom (Rago Bros. on Irving Park) and I realized that her dad had looked exactly the same for, like, the past 30 years!

I'll never forget the first time I talked to him. I was a sophmore in college and had just received my new roomie's name in an envelope from the university. I nervously called to talk about what kinds of things to bring to school and she wasn't home, so I talked to her dad.

I now realize that he never did hear very well and the trouble I had on the phone was because of that, but after shouting and spelling my first name about 8 times, I got off the phone and thought, "Oh God--if she's like her dad, this is going to be a really long year!!"

Well, eventually I got to talk to her and she was almost completely normal! On move-in day--when she and Ryan H and I were talking in our dorm room--and we both stopped in the middle of the conversation to yell "Leo-nard Bern-stein!" along with the music, I knew things were going to be just fine.

I'm going to miss Mr. G. He raised a pretty good roomie :)

Gimme an S...

As most of my readership is well aware, we have been delivered what I believe is technically referered to as a @&%*load of snow today. Man I love me some snow.

It could snow this much every week and I'd never get sick of it. People used to tell me I'd grow out of it, but I think I'm mostly done growing (god, I hope so!) and I still love it.

For the few readers who
1) aren't in the Midwest (I think I may have a Pennsylvania and possibly an Oregon) or
2) live under a rock where the Weather Channel does not beam satellite TV,
we've got a possibility of up to 12 inches of snow today.

It makes me fell all warm and fuzzy inside. Like brandy. Only I don't make that liquor face. Oh, and I can't get arrested for driving while snow-intoxicated.

Although based on what I saw this morning, the effects of snow or brandy on people's driving seem to be the same.