My mom got my dad a Global Warming* Mug for Xmas

It's got a world map on it and when you pour in a hot drink, the coastlines disappear.



*...don't be ridiculous, global warming doesn't exist...

A Food Poisoning Christmas

Yep, you read it right. And the CDC says there's no such thing as a 24 hour flu bug, so it really does seem that DB, BIL Nick, and I got an extra present this year!

Stop reading here if you're emetophobic...

We don't really know what caused it--could be the hummus or the spinach dip--but DB started feeling poorly in the afternoon of Xmas day. He said he just felt badly. He hit the sack at 8pm that night and felt fine by the time he left for work in the morning.

I didn't have to work on 12/26 (which is my half-birthday, btw), which I am so thankful for. I started feeling I-don't-think-I'm-going-to-throw-up-but-I'm-also-not-sure-I'm-NOT-going-to-throw-up-either around 9am on the day after Xmas. I thought maybe it was the beginnings of a migraine, but though Excedrin helped the headache, it didn't really do anything for the reversal of fortune feelings.

I spent the day at my parents' house and Nick came by to pick stuff up. He said he had had about a half-hour of maybe-I-will-maybe-I-won't on Xmas night, but that after that, he felt fine.

What's weird is that my sister and my parents weren't sick. My parents weren't with us on Xmas eve, but my sissy was, so explain that..

I, on the other hand, didn't feel better by dinner-time, so DB and I went home to our home. Over the course of the evening, I determined that I had won the blue ribbon for this year's poisoning competition. In addition to what I'm sure you can already guess, I had a 101F fever and a pain in my side and I didn't sleep last night. I feel better now, though.

For example, I am almost 100% sure I'm not going to throw up anymore.

Did I mention I'm at work today?

It's getting on time for the annual parking of the lawn

And by that, I mean our NYE Party!!!

So, if you know me well enough that you'd feel comfortable calling me on the phone [sorry, random web readers, this one is invite only], and you're going to be in town, email/call/comment me and let me know--I'll add you to the Evite!

Yes, it's time for more random parking on our grass (though not on our septic system), running around of kids (old and young alike), drinking, eating, and general merriment! Also available, Bobby R's famous karaoke roulette.

I believe this year we may not need to salt the driveway, however, we may need additional coolers, as the forecast is clear and not freezing cold.

I'm trying to figure out a few main cocktails to have in addition to the beer and whatever you all bring. Here are the top runners--let me know which 2 you like best...

Abracadabra
1 part Tequila
1 part Apricot Brandy
2 parts lemon juice
1 part lychee juice (though I might skip this)

Flirtini
1/2 part Triple Sec
1/2 part Vodka
Top off w/ champagne
1 part pineapple juice

Purple Hooter
1/2 part Vodka
1 part raspberry liqueur
1/4 part lime juice

Pink Lady
1/2 part white Rum
1 part creme de cassis
Top w/ orange juice
1/2 part lemon juice

Perhaps Fratalian?

God bless whomever Dunkin Donuts has for a marketing agency!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlbhbKaIBcU

Alarm Clock Catastrophe is good too--gotta find a link for you...

I went to an actual Work Holiday Party yesterday!

It wasn't one of those downtown dress-up ones, but it was nice nonetheless! I was tempted to (and threatened to!) wear my red ballgown, but in the end, I just wore a plaid skirt*.

Which is good, because at the table of 9 I sat at, 5 people had on blue shirts and tan pants. I was holding up the holiday dressing along with 2 of my red-sweatered friends and 1 darkgreen shirted loner and it was no small task.

As I told the grinches, they apparently got the Bank Audit memo, instead of the Holuiday Party memo. And, actually, it was an "offsite team building", if anyone asks.

Everybody got presents too! Mine were tall, red, v-shaped, stemmed glasses. A coworker of mine got a set of 4 stemmed cordial glasses (high-class shot glasses, he said), from which we promptly drank our Guinnesses in the bar after lunch. Mmm, beer in tiny little glasses...

It was really fun :) Yay HCY!



*No, not just a skirt

Clorox bleach pen--good.

So, several Xmases ago, my Uncle Tom spilled red wine on my arm at one of our holiday dinners (not on purpose, I think). It was my right arm. I couldn't ever get the stain out, but liked the shirt, so I just stuffed it in my closet.

Then I moved and brought the shirt with me.

Recently, for no reason other than it was hanging in the checkout lane while I was waiting (sucker), I bought a Clorox bleach pen. It sat at home for some time, not being used, until one day I dug the white shirt--oh, yeah, did I mention it was a new, white shirt?--out of my closet.

Since I was doing some cleaning out, it was either fix the shirt, dye it, or throw it out. I didn't have any dye at home, but I did have this bleach pen. Sure--putting bleach directly on fabric is usually a recipe for holes later down the line, but since I hadn't worn it in a few years and, as I said above, one of the other options was the garbage, I tried it.

I scribbled on each of the now-brown red wine stain that covered the arm of my shirt, left it alone for a while and then washed it with some other clothes that were bleach-safe.

Lo and behold--I am now again wearing my white long-sleeved shirt! Thanks Clorox Bleach Pen!

Did I also mention that it subsequently took bird poop off the front of a white tank top I have?

Well, it subsequently took bird poop off the front of a white tank top I have. So there you go.

Ask me how much it's going to cost to fix the sharkbite on my car? Go on, ask me..

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$950 and someodd cents. I'm both surprised and not surprised. They have to replace a whole metal piece and the "spoiler" on the back, so I guess that's a lot of labor, but sheesh. Alomst $1000 to fix a dent and scrape.

Ah, well, might as well embark on replacing all the sheet metal on this car too. (Just kidding! By this time in my Zuzu, there had been at least 2 accidents!)

It looks like we're heading right for Wendy's!

Something the Western Canadians said while we were driving to the Wolves game on Tuesday reminded me of something 2 of my college friends once remarked on--and it made me laugh all over again.

Having lived in the Greater Chicagoland Metropolitan Area all my life, it never occurred to me that our method of providing gas and chow to highway travelers was unique. Having, say, a Wendy's or a Hardee's or a McDonald's suspended across a line of cars going 80 miles per hour seems perfectly normal to me.

That is, until people who haven't driven the IL tollways* point out the front window and say, "Oh my god! It looks like we're heading right for Wendy's! That's so weird!"

Uh, that's 'cause we are heading right for Wendy's.

I went to college in Kirksville, MO for a semester and made 2 very good friends while I was there. After I had left MO, they flew into Midway for a visit and I picked them up there. As we were driving home from Midway on I55, sure enough, we drove right under the Hinsdale Oasis (OMG, we're heading right for Wendy's!!!!)

This past Tuesday it happened again! We're driving along I90 and the Western Canadians were like, "What is that?!?" McDonald's and a gas station. "But it looks like it's above the road" It is above the road.

Yep, that's how we do things here in IL--when we say haute cuisine**, we mean it!

I find it so enjoyable that a hovering fast-food spaceship can entertain college students and grown people alike :)


*http://www.illinoistollway.com/portal/page?_pageid=57,1300922,57_1301152&_dad=portal&_schema=PORTAL

**http://babelfish.altavista.com/

The Chicago Wolves and a Canadian who had never been to a hockey game.

This week, 2 of DB's business associates/friends were in from Kamloops, BC, Canada. Tuesday night we took them to a Chicago Wolves game, one of which I had never been to, and it was really fun!

One of our 2 guests had never been to a hockey game?!? :O (I think the plans to revoke her Canadian membership card are already underway.)

It's not as crowded as a Hawks game, cheaper, and there's more yelling. Plus you can get really close seats, even at the last minute. Not enough fights to suit me, though, but really, are there ever?

I mean, I guess you'd have to like hockey, but it *was* really fun. And cold. So wear a jacket. And don't wear a miniskirt. Brrr.


Oh, and I'm writing a new book. So far I've got the title and the first line. It's going to be called: "Things That Rhyme When You're From British Columbia".

Like better and bitter.

Eh.

Oh, Canadia, my home and native land...

The BP carwash took a bite out of my car :(

Forgot to share my car's boo-boo!

Saturday, after the big snow, I took my car over to be washed, just to get a layer of wax on it to defend against all the salt.

While I was slowly driving thru the during undercarriage part of the wash, the overhead door came down and took a chomp out of the back of my poor car. I have to say I'm quite surprised at how hard those doors come down!

I called the station owner and he was really nice and helpful and apologetic (I wasn't mad--sh*t, as they say, happens). I'm getting an estimate today and his insurance company will handle the rest.

Here's the picture...

I heart city driving

So, although my reason for driving to Chicago on Monday night was sad, I did get to engage in one of my favorite activities--CITY DRIVING!

I say this without a trace of sarcasm. I really do like driving in the city--I like to take out my pent up aggression on the poor unsuspecting folk around me. Squishing my car into spaces that it doesn't rightly belong in, merging whether it's my turn or not, parallel parking, pulling out into heavy traffic with only a best-guess estimate as to whether there's enough space.

Ahhhh.

Now, when are we going to play whirlyball?*

*http://www.whirlyball.com/

FedEx customer service: 12/06/2006

Hi, I'm shipping something back that I ordered, and I have a pre-paid label, but I don't have it in front of me. I was wondering what I need to do in order to schedule a pick-up.

Okay, I can help you with that. Is it Fedex freight or ground?

Oh...I don't know, I don't have the label with me. I guess that's the best thing to do, huh? Call when back when I'm looking at the label?

No, I can help you, just look at the label and tell me what it says on the bottom.

Yeah, I don't have the label with me--I don't know what it says. I'll just call back when I have it.

Oh, you don't have the label with you?

No, I'm at work and it's at home. I'll call back when I get it.

Well, do you know if it's freight or ground?

Nooo, I don't know. I'll just call back

Oh, yep, you're going to need the label. Just call back when you have it.

Okay...thanks.


In her defense, she was super nice, but I felt a little like Abbott & Costello. NO! The label's pitching, FedEx freight is catching!

I'm going to miss Mr. G

I went to a wake in Chicago last night--one of my college roomies lost her dad. He was 88 (she had been raised by her grandparents) and he was such a great guy. I really liked him and I'm going to miss him a lot.

Her family is full-blown Italian (I felt conspicuously curly- and light-haired at the wake!). Her dad was a shorter, gruff-voiced man who taught her how to cook things like pasta fazool (mmm, real food in college!). There were pictures all over the place at the funeral hom (Rago Bros. on Irving Park) and I realized that her dad had looked exactly the same for, like, the past 30 years!

I'll never forget the first time I talked to him. I was a sophmore in college and had just received my new roomie's name in an envelope from the university. I nervously called to talk about what kinds of things to bring to school and she wasn't home, so I talked to her dad.

I now realize that he never did hear very well and the trouble I had on the phone was because of that, but after shouting and spelling my first name about 8 times, I got off the phone and thought, "Oh God--if she's like her dad, this is going to be a really long year!!"

Well, eventually I got to talk to her and she was almost completely normal! On move-in day--when she and Ryan H and I were talking in our dorm room--and we both stopped in the middle of the conversation to yell "Leo-nard Bern-stein!" along with the music, I knew things were going to be just fine.

I'm going to miss Mr. G. He raised a pretty good roomie :)

Gimme an S...

As most of my readership is well aware, we have been delivered what I believe is technically referered to as a @&%*load of snow today. Man I love me some snow.

It could snow this much every week and I'd never get sick of it. People used to tell me I'd grow out of it, but I think I'm mostly done growing (god, I hope so!) and I still love it.

For the few readers who
1) aren't in the Midwest (I think I may have a Pennsylvania and possibly an Oregon) or
2) live under a rock where the Weather Channel does not beam satellite TV,
we've got a possibility of up to 12 inches of snow today.

It makes me fell all warm and fuzzy inside. Like brandy. Only I don't make that liquor face. Oh, and I can't get arrested for driving while snow-intoxicated.

Although based on what I saw this morning, the effects of snow or brandy on people's driving seem to be the same.