How do I hate thee, Motorola Razr, let me count the ways...

1) The first one I bought (in 12/2005) kept accessing the internet all by itself, every 1/2 hr, all day and all night. 33 page phone bills. So I complained and they replaced it.

2) The second one sounded like it had sand in the flip and had a huge dark spot on the screen. I complained and they replaced it

3) The third, and current, one accesses the internet all day and all night. In addition to that special feature, it also turns itself off randomly. When I go to turn it back on, it gives me an error message that requires me to disassemble/reassemble the battery and SIM card just to get it to work. This really great when I'm in a hurry or when my nails are painted.

So today I called Cingular to complain again and talked to Ashley about my woes. She said that since I've had so many problems, they will replace my phone with a different kind. She said she'd be right back.

Suddenly a very rude guy comes on the line and starts in on all the troubleshooting crap I went thru in July/August when I first called. I gently interrupted to explain my problem (so as not to waste our time) and he just behaved in a very ass-like manner. Skip, skip, skip, I asked him what standard procedure was in a situation like mine and he said they would send whatever they had in stock.

Uh, so I carefully and happily picked out my Razr in December and now I'm supposed to be satisfied with whatever piece of sh*t phone you feel like sending me? I've generally been happy with Cingular's service, so I was really surprised to encounter this guy.

I asked if I can figure out what I want phone I might like and call them back, which was fine with assboy.

So now I've got to figure that out. Grrrrrrrrr.

White and Nerdy

Weird Al has a new song out--White and Nerdy (like that "try to catch me ridin' dirty" song--and You Tube's got the video.

Check out Donny Osmond dancing like an idiot in the background--hilarious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xEzGIuY7kw

Did you know...

...that almost any obscure reference on my blog can be found by throwing it into a search engine? Just though I'd tell ya--sometimes I don't want you to feel left out.

Other times I like to think I'm furthering the spread of information into the superiorly-intelligent minds of my willing readers.

You know, just depends on the the day.

VPL and I don't mean the Vancouver Public Library.

So, if you're a regular old, non-transvestite guy, you may want to skip this post. It likely will mean nothing to you. Maybe you would like to visit http://www.uniwatchblog.com/**, or http://espn.go.com/ instead. Or even http://mensfashion.about.com/, if you're just a regular vestite (not the trans- kind).

So, on to the topic. I'm really not terribly concerned about VPL. If your thoughts are so consumed about the fact that you can see that I am--in fact--wearing underwear, then maybe you could use a hobby. Because most people do--in fact--wear underwear!

I KNOW! I could hardly believe it either. Boy, those E! shows and US magazine really have us fooled. I mean seriously, who wants to be embarrassed by having a total stranger look at the rear side of your gray sweatpants at 1030 pm at Meijer while you're buying formula or maybe eggs and think, "ewww, she's wearing underwear".

Doesn't every woman put on a thong when she's running out in her Kohl's-on-sale reversible jogging pants and Adidas flip-flops from college? You never know who might be in La Azteca when you run out for a gallon of milk and a can of frijoles negros!

Speaking of thongs, I hate them. I know, lots of girls I know think they're great, but they're not. These women are lying to make themselves feel better. I've tried all sizes and styles and fabrics. They're fine when you're standing still, but you let me know how things are after picking up something you've dropped on the floor. See, told you so.

I do, however, own 3 pairs of pants and 1 dress that objectively do benefit from a lack of VPL. It's just the way they're designed--the VPL is really noticeable. But I have found a solution to the problem, it seems!

Boy-cut drawers! Yes, even if you're not a skinny, straight-hipped wonder. They're not much to look at when they're on, but they serve the purpose and they're comfortable. Hanes makes a microfiber boy-cut that doesn't suck!

There, there's my Public Service Announcement for today.



**This site has apparently hypnotized certain men I know

I'm pleased to report that a Toyota 4Runner *can* survive...

...2 days and nights of solid rain through its sunroof! (Moonroof? Whatever...)

Yes, that's right dear readers, although I did not plan to test the trailworthy-ness of my semibeloved machine**, I am happy to say that it seems to have some through the gauntlet with flying colors.

Ah yes, Friday afternoon, driving home in the beautiful sunshine, singing along with my eclectic drive partners, The Dixie Chicks and Fatboy Slim, windows and sunroof open...(cue impending music of doom...da-dum...da-dum...dumdumdumdum***)

What a beautiful day! I got home, pulled into the driveway, closed my windows and went in the house...da-dum. Friday night we got some good rain--happy trees, happy birds. Saturday morning, we did laundry and lounged about; then, Sat afternoon and evening, we had a baptism and dinner in Arlington Heights and then Chicago.

BOY--the rainstorm that came through while we were at my cousin's house was amazing--flooded streets, bent trees...da-dum

So, we came home that night and a little more rain came through. I really am happy to have all the rain--maybe my trees/flowers will come back stronger next year [I lost 2 rose bushes this year--Peace and Mr. Lincoln. The prettiest ones, of course :( ]

da-dum...da-dum

Anyway--Sun morning, Dave got ready to leave for a business trip to Nashville and I got ready to go amuse myself at the outlet mall in Huntley. Thought I might stop by the Gap outlet--too bad the Levi's outlet is gone ('cause I need more jeans like I need a hole in my head). I wish they had one of those faux purse places down there...

I digress.

dumdum, dumdum, dumdum, dumdum

I went out to get in my car only to find that, although I had closed all the vertical windows in the car, I had neglected to close the fully-open sunroof!

Everything was soaked. The water hadn't even begun to dry. The leather seats (because, of course, in my old car, which did not have leather seats, I never left the windows open for 2 days of rain) were soaked and spotted. The cupholders, gaskets around the trans-shifter and 4 wheel drive shifter, rear ashtray, and change holder? Full of water. Carpets and headliner? Soaked. In fact, as I drove, water kept running out of the weatherstripping between the headliner and window on the driver's side. It was totally great.

I mopped up what I could, found a towel to sit on, and went off to the mall. Somehow, between the mopping, leaving the windows open while driving and parked in the sun yesterday, and then spending the night with all windows open in the garage last night, my baby seems to have survived with no permanent injuries.

But I wouldn't recommend it.


** My red car is growing on me. My old Zuzu and I had a lot of fun together. So far, Red Car and I have driven back and forth to work. However, now 1 trip up to my aunt and uncle's house and now the monsoon are helping us to forge a better relationship. These things take time...

***That IM of D of getting a workout lately. ...maybe it's me...?

A list of my favorite songs...

...it's a short list for now, but it'll grow


Copacabana (now I just have to learn to dance)

So what do you think of the MySpace site?

Let me know...

You should be able to leave comments here without registering. If that's not the case, someone let me know and I'll look at my settings again.

MySpace

So here are my MySpace and MySpace blog addresses. See, they're not as pretty :(

My Space--> http://www.myspace.com/mairzydoats

My SpaceBlog--> http://blog.myspace.com/mairzydoats

Oh Ca-NA-DI-a, our home and native land!

Why is it that it's Canada, but people from there are Canadians? Why aren't they Canadans? Or, conversely, why isn't our Great White neighbor's name Canadia?

(Which would make singing their national anthem even more enjoyable, really. Oh Ca-NA-DI-a, our home and native land...)

Sometimes I think it would have been nice to have been born a Canadan. They have so much open space up there. More room for people and animals...lakes and rivers...cabins...........parking lots...strip malls...sea-of-rooves housing developments...you know, all the stuff that makes life good. Uh huh.

I think the next time someone asks me what nationality I am, I'm going to sayAmerician.

Time flies

Our 5th anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks--it hardly seems like it's been that long! That's longer than I was in high school or college. That's the difference between 6th grade and driving. It sure goes a lot faster the older you get.

And if David and I had been able to have a baby when we first wanted to, that baby would would be 4 years old now. Time really does fly.

China Update, Part 17

This past week, David successfully applied for his passport and also got our background clearances from the sheriff!! Yay!

We've been hearing some bad rumors about the China program lately, such as they're going to institute a weight restriction, they're going to disallow people taking certain drugs (such as blood pressure or depression meds), and also disallow those with certain conditions (diabetes or the wheelchair-bound). Also, we've heard that the wait time is going up. Boo.

The social worker says that they're all just rumors at this point, but also that any changes that have ever happened to the system started out as rumors.

I love fall :)

This pic makes me want to vacation in VT!

Does anyone remember what Pirates of the Caribbean 2 was rated?

Oh wait, I REMEMBER!

It was rated ARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy national Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Today is the first Sock Day of the 2006 fall season!

I have not worn socks to work (and really, hardly at all) since early May. The first Jacket Day of the season for me was Monday Sept 11th (although I was in FL the previous week--if you recall--so I may have missed the actual 1st Jacket Day).

Yay Fall!!

Things that are much better than their similar or brand name counterparts:

McDonald's french frys
OPI nail polish
Kraft Mac and Cheese

I just dropped a french fry...

...and after about 10 minutes realized that there wasn't a dog around who was going to pick it up.

Uhh, why weren't we doing this already?

http://www.cnn.com/2006/TRAVEL/09/15/security.airlines.cargo.reut/index.html

So there are new rules for airline screening. These new rules mean that cargo presented to a carrier (like FedEx) that is put on passnger planes has to screened for explosives jsut like passenger luggage.

UM--so currently half the cargo on a plane isn't screened??? Why have terrorists bothered trying to slip past airport sceurity devices when they apparently just had to box up their explosive cookies and send them to Grandma in the cargo hold????

I don't get it.

White T-shirts are, what $12.99 for a 3-pack?

So, exactly, then, what is the problem with those guys who wear their crisp white dress shirts with a 1035 Free Gas Friday shirt underneath?

A guy I work with here at HCY is about to go into an interview with one of our auditing bodies (ie, if we don't pass audits, we don't sell things). From the front: sedate, classic white dress shirt, dark pants. From the back? Free Gas Friday!

Dude, YOUR SHIRT IS WHITE! Do you think we can't see the FGF? This is the reason women don't wear red bras underneath white shirts! (Otherwise, that's all we'd ever wear, of course)

Seriously, if I were an employer and my employee didn't have enough sense not to wear a graphic-t under dress clothes, I'd wonder what else they didn't have enough sense for.

A certain BIL of mine knew a guy who showed up to a very important affair with his good shoes and suit. When he took off his jacket: Harley Davidson!

"...uh, yes sir, that's is true, i don't have the camouflage sense God gave newborn deer..."

Don't try the laundry excuse, either, because Meijer is open all night. I'm just not having it.

Grammar Police: The fazes of the moon

Although it seems that everyone (except my readers, of course) disagrees--there is, in fact, a difference between the words faze and phase.

I KNOW, right? As a English-mangling public, we can hardly believe it...

Here it the difference:

Phase
"The moon has 4 phases: new, waxing, full, and waning."
"I don't know why Charlotte isn't sleeping, maybe it's a phase she's going through."**

Faze
"Women going topless at our honeymoon resort? It really didn't faze me"
"Charlotte was unfazed by her parents' efforts to get her to sleep at night"**

There, now we can all act superior-like when it comes to grammar. *whatever..like we don't already... ;)



** Sleeping at night? See, that's just ridiculous...

So Blogspot is moving to Google

From what I can tell, it won't change your side of Mairzydoats, but it will change mine some. Particularly in requiring me to get a google account sign-in.

The only potential problem with that is that Google says outright that it uses your non-identifying info to do whatever it wants. Whether it's truly non-ID, who knows?

So, my other option is switching over to my MySpace space/blog, which I currently don't use.

Haven't decided what to do yet, but don't worry, I'll leave a trail of breadcrumbs :)

Single-handedly saving us from our grammar selves!

Regimen? Regiment?

Ah, the lowly "t". It's amazing how this simple letter can make the difference between a closely followed plan and a division of armed militia.

So, the next time General You start a new diet regiment, do let me know, as I will be very curious to hear how that works out for you.

Speaking of meat...

...well if I wasn't, I was about to...

I am well aware that I like beef more well done than the average American. This is not to say I haven't found many other people (mostly women) who share my doneness preference, but I've acquiesed that my desire for "brown on the inside, maybe a little black on the outside" isn't the standard.

So, knowing this, when beef is served at a formal dinner, I am prepared for the inevitable Medium, instead of Medium Well or--even better--Well Done, that I truly hope for.

Which brings me to my point.

I've been to a few formal affairs over the past 6 months (including my recent trip to The Breakers) and every single event that has served beef, has served it Rare!!!!!!! Totally Rare!!Not sneaking up on Medium, but red, not-hot, and wiggly. Wiggly!!

Wiggly to the point where, when I go to surreptitiously cut off the more done parts, I am foiled by the shimmy-shimmy-shake-shake of my meat.* but that's another story

Yes, people do like Rare, but I daresay not most people. I know--beef takes a while to cook--but there's just no point to even serving, it if the majority of people are going to leave their little mooing scraps on their plates (and order room service when they get back to their rooms).

Big fancy hotels like the Breakers with at least half the dinners not eaten due to doneness problems. It's just a shame.


Moooooo.

I'm back from Florida

We had Dave's annual meeting at The Breakers in Palm Beach, FL this past week. It's extra, super, fancy fanc fanc. It's really something!

I do think that they're impressed with themselves--more so than other resort we've been to for the same meeting. This is in part evidenced by the $9 bowls of soup; $13.50 glasses of wine; and a lunch I had that was a tuna salad sandwich plus a glass of iced tea. The bill was $27.

We got to bed at 1230am this morning after our flight was delayed for 3 hours. I'm sooo tired...