Four days until we get a new CW...

Our Adoption FAQ

Why not adopt from the U.S.?
Well, for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is that adoptions do fail, and not infrequently. A lot of people who have tried to adopt domestically have a failed try story, and I just don't think I could take the sadness after all the rest of what has gone on.

Sometimes the birthmother changes her mind (she's got 72 perfectly legitimate hours to do so), sometimes the birthfather was unaware of the situation and now that he is, will not sign away rights. In a lot of cases, by that time you have both your heart and a lot of money invested (adoptive families frequently pay some of the medical expenses).

Then, there's the second reason. Most adoption in the U.S. these days are so-called Open adoptions. This means that the birthparents (and sometimes the members of their extended families) continue to have contact with the baby after you adopt him/her.

This can range from pictures once a year to full on invitations-to-birthday-parties. And--it really depends on what the birthmother wants, after all, she's picking you.

I suppose this is good for the baby, and I'm not against an adopted baby knowing about his/her first family, nor would I be opposed to the picture exchange, so much, but I kind of don't want to share my kid.

I wouldn't want to share it if I had given birth to it and I don't want to share it now either. You know?

Why adopt from China in particular?
It took a lot of talking to finally settle on China. At first it was the decision between a baby that looks like us and a baby that doesn't.

Caucasian babies can be adopted from the Ukraine and Russia, generally. From what I'd read, the Ukraine is horribly corrupt, and you could be in-country (as it's called--you need to travel to pick up most internationally adopted babies) for 2 months!!! Impossible.

As for Russia, it, too, is corrupt, but not quite as badly at the time. The problem with Russia (and the Ukraine, too, really), is that the incidence of fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) is huge in comparison to other countries.

FAS in an unrecoverable problem in a child. That child will be adversely affected--sometimes to the point of institutionalization--for the rest of their lives. And--it's often undiagnosable until the baby is toddler age. Too late for us.

Could a baby from somewhere else--even the U.S.--have FAS? Sure, but when we compared the incidence in China (<1%)>
I think I prefer Korea. They've got a very good maternity healthcare programs that all mothers participate in--even those who are unexpectedly pregnant. The medical records are complete, sometimes you get birthmother info (including souvenirs), and the babies are raised in foster homes, instead of orphanages.

The problem with Korea? They have a height-weight chart. If you don't fall on the chart, you can't adopt from there. At the time we met with Lifelink, I would have had to lose 40lbs just to qualify. It's just not going to happen. Plus, I was offended! So, I won't be a good mom and will probably die young because I'm not on your chart. Piss off, I'll adopt from somewhere who wants their orphaned babies to have permanent homes.

So--China!

So do you get any of that information above from China?
Sadly, no. Most of the babies adopted from China have been abandoned with no information about the birthparents.

Is it true you'll probably get a girl?
Yep. 95% of the babies adopted out are girls. Although, we did sign up for a girl, a boy, or twins, so who knows what's going to happen!?! We'll have 6-8 weeks notice, so it's possible they'll call and say you have twins, be in China in 6 weeks. Mad rush!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why so many girl babies?
China is under the one child policy, and since the responsibility for caring for aged parents (China has no social security) falls on boys, most parents want their one child to be a boy. Also, culturally, there is a preference for boys.

For those parents whose hearts break because they have to give up their first-born daughter (the government and social pressures are huge), it's not uncommon for a newborn baby to be lovingly placed in a basket, sometimes with their name and date of birth, and left somewhere they will be sure to be found. In front of a fruit stand just before opening or in a busy park, just before the day starts, for example.

I've heard that sometimes the mother hides and watches to make sure someone finds the baby. It's awful.

How long until you get your baby?
Well, it's running about 14 months right now, so that would take us to Mar/Apr 2007! It's possible that things may slow down (Boooooo), but it's also possible that they may speed up too (Yayyyyyyy)! It kind of depends on Chinese holidays and changing governmental policies.

How long do you stay in China?
We will travel with a group of adoptive parents, in a trip wrangled by the agency. So, we're not flying by the seat of our pants. (Which is good, b/c my Chinese is pretty rusty). We will probably be there 10 days or so. You get your baby on Day 2 and then spend the rest of the time doing medical clearance and immigration stuff.

From what I hear, the babies are a little scared, don't really want to sleep, don't think your formula tastes good, aren't used to wearing diapers, are sometimes afraid of baths... All in all, a pretty typical first couple nights with one's new baby!


How old will (she) be?
She will likely be around a year when we get her (the day you get your baby is commonly known as Gotcha Day!). Maybe 10 months, maybe 13, but around a year.

Will she be healthy?
Probably. Chinese doctors are conservative when it comes to putting children into the "special needs" category. Even children with fixable or minor problems like a heart murmur or cleft lip are often placed as special needs.

Otherwise, she'll probably be developmentally delayed about 3 months (i.e, at 9 months, she'll probably be sitting on her own, but not near walking. ). From what I hear, though, you go from crawling at 9 months to running around the house at 15. No rest for the wicked here!

How much does it cost?
All told, including U.S. governmental fees for paperwork, homestudy fee, adoption agency fee (they're non-profit, but still have to pay their employees), Chinese governmental fees, and travel and accommodations, it's about $16000 - 18000.

A lot, yeah, and the saving isn't easy, but don't forget about that $10390 you get back from the IRS. Yay!

So that's all I can think of, but if you've got more questions, let me know!