Movie Review: More Than Meets The Eye!

Those of you who knew me when I was young know of my Transformers thing. Those of you who know me now, know of my electronic gadget thing.

I'm going to marry the Transformers movie.

Cute Persons to look at (0-5): 4. Oh, where to begin?
If you're into chicks:
There's the brainy blonde chick who can hack into the Dept of Defense computer systems without disrupting either her hornrimmed glasses or her artfully deconstructed bun. Australian, blue eyes, hot.

And then there's the brunette chick with the juvie record and dirty white tank top who can replace the headers in your cousin's Trans Am in, like, 20 minutes. American, blue eyes, hot.

If I were picking, I'd pick the brunette chick. But that's just me.

If you like dudes:
There's Shia LeBoeuf--too young for me, but decently cute and pretty funny. He does a lot of steamy running around to save the world, which is always attractive in someone you think is cute.
Another option--> Josh Duhamel. He's not usually a top pick of mine for some reason, buuuut, if he showed up at my door, I'd make him some tea. Especially after that motorcycle scene. Whew. Lots of tea.

Oh--Tyrese is also available. He doesn't say much, but he's ripped, so, honestly, it hardly matters.

And, uh, *cough*, there's Bumblebee*. Strong...protective...tall...........yellow? Now if I could only figure out if it's weirder than my childhood crush on Aquaman. It's so hard to decide.

A Satisfying Ending (0-5): 5. OH YEAH!! Good guys win, bad guys lose!!!! Room for a sequel! (Se-quel, Se-quel)

Action/adventureness (0-5): 5. Absolutely awesome. I don't think I've liked an action movie this much since the first Matrix. And that's saying a lot, b/c I really dig action flicks. A lot.

Love storyness (0-5): 3. No true love story, but all the hot folk are ogling each other. Which is nice. Shia LeBoeuf is adorably bumbly when he's around the hot brunette chick.

Good Scaryness (0-5): 1. No true scaryness, unless you're 5. Then maybe. Cartoon-based evilness? Sure, plenty of that.

Kissing (0-5): 1. I only recall one actual kiss. But you know what, it doesn't matter.

Here's why... It's summer and it's a blockbuster movie, so the movie houses are crowded. The movie is full of great Transformer and U.S. military powerhouse action. People were actually cheering out loud. When we weren't cheering, we were laughing. You've been eating candy.

What's my point? At the end of the movie, you're left sweaty, excited, out of breath, and sticky. I don't need the kissing--do you need the kissing?

Cinematography/Special Effects (1-5): 5. Awesome. The car chases were great. The fighter jet/helicopter parts were great. The desert scenes were great. Even the Autobot vs. Decepticon fighting scenes were as realistic as something imaginary could really be.

Extra Credit:
Soundtrack/score? 5 points.
CG stuff? 5 points.
Military exhibitionism? 5 points.
Sam's parents and the all scenes at his house? 5 points

The car/robot/tow truck/Hoover Dam/Sikorsky helicopter/hotwiring/Lockheed Martin F22 Raptor/bitchin' Camaro machine-gadgetry? 5 million freaking points.

Total: 5,000,044/35. I couldn't get DB to stay for the 10pm show. Maybe I can finagle a matinee tomorrow...we'll see...


*http://www.transformersmovie.com/

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