So, as my cats sat on the bathroom sink this morning, waiting for the wildebeast to show up...

.
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.
.maybe I should start at the beginning.

Every morning, while I'm brushing my teeth and such, I fill the other sink in our bathroom with water, so Lincoln and Piper can get a drink. Usually, the littleun will perch on the edge of the sink, take a drink, and leave.

The biggun, needing to be different at all costs, will duck walk his feet down the inside of the sink until his paws are just above the edge of the water. He'll then lean over (like you may have seen giraffes on Nova doing at African watering holes), take a ridiculously extended drink of water, stick his paw in--only to then flick the water all over the mirror--and then leave.

This morning, after taking their drinks, the smittens sat there at the sink for about 25 minutes, looking at the water.

I told Dave--and Lincoln and Piper, although they just nodded their heads and went back to staring at the water--it's not like a wildebeast or a gazelle or a zebra is going to show up in the bathroom. Unless you come across some errant boxelder zebra, there's not going to be any dramatic prey thing you're going to be able relate to your cat friends over the suburban catdrum network.

And this got me thinking...

Wouldn't it be great--and it wouldn't really have to made of actual zebra--if they sold cat food that was labeled as Zebra Grill or Gazelle in Sauce? I'd get so much more enjoyment out of feeding my cats if I could dish out some Wildebeast Stew.

Of course, I'd have to tell the cats it was zebra or gazelle or wildebeast, since they can't read, but I think they'd appreciate it.

Maybe the cat food companies could come up with some artificial zebra flavoring?

You know, so the cats aren't like, "Hey--this tastes suspiciously like Mixed Grill!".
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Hey non-McHenry county readers...

...with all the New Year's Eve postings going on lately, I don't want those of you who aren't in the area to feel left out.

So, hey, all you Missourians and Pennsylvanites who might be reading!

All you Oregonians or Wisconsinites.

All you randomblog websurfers.

Just because you won't find karaoke video of yourself singing your somewhat drunken heart out on myspace, that doesn't mean we don't care here.

In fact, send me your drunken karaoke video clips and I'll post them for all to see. I'm equal opportunity right--I wouldn't want you not to be embarrassed, just 'cause you weren't there :)

NYE video posted on myspace!

Hi all,
So there are some clips of the midnight to 4am karaoke binge posted on myspace. Don't worry--the files are marked private and are copy-protected, so at least you shouldn't find yourself on WebJunk20 on VH1 anytime soon!


http://www.myspace.com/mairzydoats

Movie Review: A Night at the Museum

So, Dean (of WGN's "Dean's List") gave this movie a D-. I was really disappointed, since the commercials had me wanting to see it. Well, this weekend, we threw caution to the wind and went to see it with the S and L of Johnsburg. If I didn't feel this way before, I certainly feel this way now: I just don't usually agree with the movie reviewers.

Is it going to win an Oscar?. No, it's a movie about a night guard at a museum where things come to life at night. This is not On Golden Pond. But--it was funny and I liked it.

Cute Persons to look at (0-5): 3. Depends on your preferences. I've always though Ben Stiller was cute and shapely, so I though there was at least a decent cute person to look at. Plus, the girl who plays the museum docent was pretty cute too, in a scholarly way, so there might be a little something for the guys as well. For the older crowd? Dick Van Dyke is in it, and the scenes that run during the credits show that ole' Dick's still got it. Give him a Cockney accent and it could have been Mary Poppins all over again!

As an aside, Ben Stiller is one of the best runners I've seen in any movie. You know how some people look like newborn giraffes when they run? Not Ben. In fact, I was sitting there wondering when they'd make him run somewhere (as they do in every movie he's in--just watch the next time you see one*), when off he went, across the museum! He's really, really fast (and cute)!

A Satisfying Ending (0-5): 5. I love movies with good endings! Without giving too much away, regarding: the girl, the boy, the kid, the evil-doers, the animals, Teddy Roosevelt, and Attila the Hun; it was very satisfying. I walked out smiling and that's my favorite kind of movie!

Action/ adventureness (0-5): 3. It's no Terminator, but yeah, there was a lot of running around and action and crazy antics. Thoroughly enjoyable! I even liked Owen Wilson, whom I usually think is a bit of a manwhore.

We liked it; the kids behind us (when they weren't stage-whispering, "no, mom, the popcorn!!!") liked it; the kid who did a triple-lindy off the bottom step of the mezzanine, spilling all his popcorn in a somewhat amazing arc, but never dropping the container or his self-possession? He liked it too.

Love storyness (0-5): 1. There was a little bit of flirtation, but not much of a love story. That's okay, it didn't take away from the enjoyment.

Good Scaryness (0-5, optional): NA. It wasn't really intended to be scary. Unless you've got a Hun thing.

Kissing (1-5): 0. There's not any kissing that I recall. I always think kissing makes a movie better, but in this one, it's okay. I can live without it. I think.

Cinematography/Special effects (0-5): 4. They were pretty good. Probably the stars of the movie, honestly, but that doesn't mean the rest of the movie suffered. Not like "Wow, technology is truly amazing"-good, but more like "Man, their writers really had some good ideas--good thing the CG people could come through"-good.

Laughs (1-5): 4. I laughed a lot. Good, clean, kids-and-adults-would-both-think-it's-funny-although-maybe-in-different-parts, enjoyable laughter. I do think that adults would think it's funnier than kids would (we laughed more than the kids behind us), but I don't think the kids would even know they're not laughing at all the funny parts, so they'd never be the wiser. And that's fine.

Extra Credit (10 points): 8. I can't give away what I thought was the best part, but if you've ever had a dog that fetches, you'll laugh a lot. :)

Total: 28/30.

*You know how Neve Campbell always has her mouth open? Kind of like that. You just wait for it to happen, cause you know it's coming...

Happy New Years! (Part I)

Well, I, for one, had so much fun at the NYE party!

Things I've learned from having a NYE party...
There were 51 people there, I believe, including the kids. At least that's the best estimate I can come up with now. 51 people bring a lot of food. Mmmm, food.

A bunch of people and kids were there at midnight to ring in the new year, fewer people were there around 4am when karaoke wound down, I went to bed at 430ish, around 13 people stayed over, the JV squad apparently stayed up until 7(!), it looked like Jonestown in the living room until about 9pm last night.

Clear plastic champagne flutes have a tendency to splash your drink if you set them down too quickly.

Flirtinis hurt like a b*tch if you get them in your eye (see above). Although, one of your friends may kindly offer to let you rinse it out with some of their beer.

Beer bottles bounce when they hit the floor. Red glass champagne flutes, not so much.

Neither Chuck nor Larry will let you paint their toenails blue. Even when they've been drinking. Even if you ask really nicely and offer 2 shades of blue.

Karaoke roulette rocks. Who cares if you've got a good singing voice if you're not the one who picked out the song. Everybody can sing Sexual Healing...you just have to try...

Now, Ed ain't sayin' you a golddigger...

Drunk people will play the h*ll out of little wooden instruments and a few tambourines.

A group of 5 year old girls singing Pussycat Dollz "Don't Cha" is the funniest thing ever. So's having it on tape for future blackmail.

Abby K likes giving people tours of the upstairs of my house. Particularly the master bathtub.

Italian beef should stay where you put it.

The Superlatives nominations list from the fridge will be posted tomorrow, but Bobby R, Mary T, and I were all wearing red underwear.

Purple Hooters taste like poison.

Peanut butter S'mores do not taste like poison, however. They taste gooood.

It gets really cold in the basement at night, in winter. Particularly when Meredith opens the window during karaoke and never closes it.



.....more to follow....

I think I may be on the other side of my favorite Xmas present!

BIL NIck is apparently still sick, but I think I'm all better now. Only 5 days of feeling like death!

A guy here at work wonderd if I was Hepatitis A. I had wondered the same thing...

My mom got my dad a Global Warming* Mug for Xmas

It's got a world map on it and when you pour in a hot drink, the coastlines disappear.



*...don't be ridiculous, global warming doesn't exist...

A Food Poisoning Christmas

Yep, you read it right. And the CDC says there's no such thing as a 24 hour flu bug, so it really does seem that DB, BIL Nick, and I got an extra present this year!

Stop reading here if you're emetophobic...

We don't really know what caused it--could be the hummus or the spinach dip--but DB started feeling poorly in the afternoon of Xmas day. He said he just felt badly. He hit the sack at 8pm that night and felt fine by the time he left for work in the morning.

I didn't have to work on 12/26 (which is my half-birthday, btw), which I am so thankful for. I started feeling I-don't-think-I'm-going-to-throw-up-but-I'm-also-not-sure-I'm-NOT-going-to-throw-up-either around 9am on the day after Xmas. I thought maybe it was the beginnings of a migraine, but though Excedrin helped the headache, it didn't really do anything for the reversal of fortune feelings.

I spent the day at my parents' house and Nick came by to pick stuff up. He said he had had about a half-hour of maybe-I-will-maybe-I-won't on Xmas night, but that after that, he felt fine.

What's weird is that my sister and my parents weren't sick. My parents weren't with us on Xmas eve, but my sissy was, so explain that..

I, on the other hand, didn't feel better by dinner-time, so DB and I went home to our home. Over the course of the evening, I determined that I had won the blue ribbon for this year's poisoning competition. In addition to what I'm sure you can already guess, I had a 101F fever and a pain in my side and I didn't sleep last night. I feel better now, though.

For example, I am almost 100% sure I'm not going to throw up anymore.

Did I mention I'm at work today?

It's getting on time for the annual parking of the lawn

And by that, I mean our NYE Party!!!

So, if you know me well enough that you'd feel comfortable calling me on the phone [sorry, random web readers, this one is invite only], and you're going to be in town, email/call/comment me and let me know--I'll add you to the Evite!

Yes, it's time for more random parking on our grass (though not on our septic system), running around of kids (old and young alike), drinking, eating, and general merriment! Also available, Bobby R's famous karaoke roulette.

I believe this year we may not need to salt the driveway, however, we may need additional coolers, as the forecast is clear and not freezing cold.

I'm trying to figure out a few main cocktails to have in addition to the beer and whatever you all bring. Here are the top runners--let me know which 2 you like best...

Abracadabra
1 part Tequila
1 part Apricot Brandy
2 parts lemon juice
1 part lychee juice (though I might skip this)

Flirtini
1/2 part Triple Sec
1/2 part Vodka
Top off w/ champagne
1 part pineapple juice

Purple Hooter
1/2 part Vodka
1 part raspberry liqueur
1/4 part lime juice

Pink Lady
1/2 part white Rum
1 part creme de cassis
Top w/ orange juice
1/2 part lemon juice

Perhaps Fratalian?

God bless whomever Dunkin Donuts has for a marketing agency!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlbhbKaIBcU

Alarm Clock Catastrophe is good too--gotta find a link for you...

I went to an actual Work Holiday Party yesterday!

It wasn't one of those downtown dress-up ones, but it was nice nonetheless! I was tempted to (and threatened to!) wear my red ballgown, but in the end, I just wore a plaid skirt*.

Which is good, because at the table of 9 I sat at, 5 people had on blue shirts and tan pants. I was holding up the holiday dressing along with 2 of my red-sweatered friends and 1 darkgreen shirted loner and it was no small task.

As I told the grinches, they apparently got the Bank Audit memo, instead of the Holuiday Party memo. And, actually, it was an "offsite team building", if anyone asks.

Everybody got presents too! Mine were tall, red, v-shaped, stemmed glasses. A coworker of mine got a set of 4 stemmed cordial glasses (high-class shot glasses, he said), from which we promptly drank our Guinnesses in the bar after lunch. Mmm, beer in tiny little glasses...

It was really fun :) Yay HCY!



*No, not just a skirt

Clorox bleach pen--good.

So, several Xmases ago, my Uncle Tom spilled red wine on my arm at one of our holiday dinners (not on purpose, I think). It was my right arm. I couldn't ever get the stain out, but liked the shirt, so I just stuffed it in my closet.

Then I moved and brought the shirt with me.

Recently, for no reason other than it was hanging in the checkout lane while I was waiting (sucker), I bought a Clorox bleach pen. It sat at home for some time, not being used, until one day I dug the white shirt--oh, yeah, did I mention it was a new, white shirt?--out of my closet.

Since I was doing some cleaning out, it was either fix the shirt, dye it, or throw it out. I didn't have any dye at home, but I did have this bleach pen. Sure--putting bleach directly on fabric is usually a recipe for holes later down the line, but since I hadn't worn it in a few years and, as I said above, one of the other options was the garbage, I tried it.

I scribbled on each of the now-brown red wine stain that covered the arm of my shirt, left it alone for a while and then washed it with some other clothes that were bleach-safe.

Lo and behold--I am now again wearing my white long-sleeved shirt! Thanks Clorox Bleach Pen!

Did I also mention that it subsequently took bird poop off the front of a white tank top I have?

Well, it subsequently took bird poop off the front of a white tank top I have. So there you go.

Ask me how much it's going to cost to fix the sharkbite on my car? Go on, ask me..

.
.
.
.
.
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$950 and someodd cents. I'm both surprised and not surprised. They have to replace a whole metal piece and the "spoiler" on the back, so I guess that's a lot of labor, but sheesh. Alomst $1000 to fix a dent and scrape.

Ah, well, might as well embark on replacing all the sheet metal on this car too. (Just kidding! By this time in my Zuzu, there had been at least 2 accidents!)

It looks like we're heading right for Wendy's!

Something the Western Canadians said while we were driving to the Wolves game on Tuesday reminded me of something 2 of my college friends once remarked on--and it made me laugh all over again.

Having lived in the Greater Chicagoland Metropolitan Area all my life, it never occurred to me that our method of providing gas and chow to highway travelers was unique. Having, say, a Wendy's or a Hardee's or a McDonald's suspended across a line of cars going 80 miles per hour seems perfectly normal to me.

That is, until people who haven't driven the IL tollways* point out the front window and say, "Oh my god! It looks like we're heading right for Wendy's! That's so weird!"

Uh, that's 'cause we are heading right for Wendy's.

I went to college in Kirksville, MO for a semester and made 2 very good friends while I was there. After I had left MO, they flew into Midway for a visit and I picked them up there. As we were driving home from Midway on I55, sure enough, we drove right under the Hinsdale Oasis (OMG, we're heading right for Wendy's!!!!)

This past Tuesday it happened again! We're driving along I90 and the Western Canadians were like, "What is that?!?" McDonald's and a gas station. "But it looks like it's above the road" It is above the road.

Yep, that's how we do things here in IL--when we say haute cuisine**, we mean it!

I find it so enjoyable that a hovering fast-food spaceship can entertain college students and grown people alike :)


*http://www.illinoistollway.com/portal/page?_pageid=57,1300922,57_1301152&_dad=portal&_schema=PORTAL

**http://babelfish.altavista.com/

The Chicago Wolves and a Canadian who had never been to a hockey game.

This week, 2 of DB's business associates/friends were in from Kamloops, BC, Canada. Tuesday night we took them to a Chicago Wolves game, one of which I had never been to, and it was really fun!

One of our 2 guests had never been to a hockey game?!? :O (I think the plans to revoke her Canadian membership card are already underway.)

It's not as crowded as a Hawks game, cheaper, and there's more yelling. Plus you can get really close seats, even at the last minute. Not enough fights to suit me, though, but really, are there ever?

I mean, I guess you'd have to like hockey, but it *was* really fun. And cold. So wear a jacket. And don't wear a miniskirt. Brrr.


Oh, and I'm writing a new book. So far I've got the title and the first line. It's going to be called: "Things That Rhyme When You're From British Columbia".

Like better and bitter.

Eh.

Oh, Canadia, my home and native land...

The BP carwash took a bite out of my car :(

Forgot to share my car's boo-boo!

Saturday, after the big snow, I took my car over to be washed, just to get a layer of wax on it to defend against all the salt.

While I was slowly driving thru the during undercarriage part of the wash, the overhead door came down and took a chomp out of the back of my poor car. I have to say I'm quite surprised at how hard those doors come down!

I called the station owner and he was really nice and helpful and apologetic (I wasn't mad--sh*t, as they say, happens). I'm getting an estimate today and his insurance company will handle the rest.

Here's the picture...

I heart city driving

So, although my reason for driving to Chicago on Monday night was sad, I did get to engage in one of my favorite activities--CITY DRIVING!

I say this without a trace of sarcasm. I really do like driving in the city--I like to take out my pent up aggression on the poor unsuspecting folk around me. Squishing my car into spaces that it doesn't rightly belong in, merging whether it's my turn or not, parallel parking, pulling out into heavy traffic with only a best-guess estimate as to whether there's enough space.

Ahhhh.

Now, when are we going to play whirlyball?*

*http://www.whirlyball.com/

FedEx customer service: 12/06/2006

Hi, I'm shipping something back that I ordered, and I have a pre-paid label, but I don't have it in front of me. I was wondering what I need to do in order to schedule a pick-up.

Okay, I can help you with that. Is it Fedex freight or ground?

Oh...I don't know, I don't have the label with me. I guess that's the best thing to do, huh? Call when back when I'm looking at the label?

No, I can help you, just look at the label and tell me what it says on the bottom.

Yeah, I don't have the label with me--I don't know what it says. I'll just call back when I have it.

Oh, you don't have the label with you?

No, I'm at work and it's at home. I'll call back when I get it.

Well, do you know if it's freight or ground?

Nooo, I don't know. I'll just call back

Oh, yep, you're going to need the label. Just call back when you have it.

Okay...thanks.


In her defense, she was super nice, but I felt a little like Abbott & Costello. NO! The label's pitching, FedEx freight is catching!

I'm going to miss Mr. G

I went to a wake in Chicago last night--one of my college roomies lost her dad. He was 88 (she had been raised by her grandparents) and he was such a great guy. I really liked him and I'm going to miss him a lot.

Her family is full-blown Italian (I felt conspicuously curly- and light-haired at the wake!). Her dad was a shorter, gruff-voiced man who taught her how to cook things like pasta fazool (mmm, real food in college!). There were pictures all over the place at the funeral hom (Rago Bros. on Irving Park) and I realized that her dad had looked exactly the same for, like, the past 30 years!

I'll never forget the first time I talked to him. I was a sophmore in college and had just received my new roomie's name in an envelope from the university. I nervously called to talk about what kinds of things to bring to school and she wasn't home, so I talked to her dad.

I now realize that he never did hear very well and the trouble I had on the phone was because of that, but after shouting and spelling my first name about 8 times, I got off the phone and thought, "Oh God--if she's like her dad, this is going to be a really long year!!"

Well, eventually I got to talk to her and she was almost completely normal! On move-in day--when she and Ryan H and I were talking in our dorm room--and we both stopped in the middle of the conversation to yell "Leo-nard Bern-stein!" along with the music, I knew things were going to be just fine.

I'm going to miss Mr. G. He raised a pretty good roomie :)

Gimme an S...

As most of my readership is well aware, we have been delivered what I believe is technically referered to as a @&%*load of snow today. Man I love me some snow.

It could snow this much every week and I'd never get sick of it. People used to tell me I'd grow out of it, but I think I'm mostly done growing (god, I hope so!) and I still love it.

For the few readers who
1) aren't in the Midwest (I think I may have a Pennsylvania and possibly an Oregon) or
2) live under a rock where the Weather Channel does not beam satellite TV,
we've got a possibility of up to 12 inches of snow today.

It makes me fell all warm and fuzzy inside. Like brandy. Only I don't make that liquor face. Oh, and I can't get arrested for driving while snow-intoxicated.

Although based on what I saw this morning, the effects of snow or brandy on people's driving seem to be the same.

Downy fears me

Yep. I got a response and it's apparent that they fear my deductive skills and are just hoping that I go away. They don't want to admit that you really can just throw it in at the beginning.

Subject---------------------------------------------------------------
Hi! I'm wondering something. I've always been under the impression that, when...

Discussion Thread---------------------------------------------------------------
Response (RightNow Administrator) - 11/28/2006 04:13 PM

Thanks for contacting us.There’s lots of information on our website we think you’ll find helpful. If you’ve already checked it thoroughly and still can’t find what you’re looking for, please call us using the toll-free number on our product packages. We're open Monday - Friday 9:00 AM - 6:00 PM EST.Thanks again for writing.

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Customer - 11/27/2006 11:25 AM
Hi! I'm wondering something. I've always been under the impression that, when using detergent and softener both, you're supposed to use that ball widget sothat the softener gets out during the final rinse cycle, BUT...Now that, for example, Tide, is sold with the Downy mixed in, do I now not needto use the ball? I mean, not that I haven't been doing it already (shhh), butsince the manufacturer (i.e. you) has now decided that the softener can be mixedwith the laundry detergent and get decent results, am I off the rinse cyclehook?You know, just wondering where I stand.

Meredith

Auto-Response - 11/27/2006 11:25 AMTitle:

Static cling causes & preventionLink:
http://downy.custhelp.com/cgi-bin/downy.cfg/php/enduser/popup_adp.php?p_faqid=1524&p_created=1036437353

Title: Using with Tide Kick
Link:http://downy.custhelp.com/cgi-bin/downy.cfg/php/enduser/popup_adp.php?p_faqid=1416&p_created=1035479332

Title: How much to use?
Link:http://downy.custhelp.com/cgi-bin/downy.cfg/php/enduser/popup_adp.php?p_faqid=1413&p_created=1035479152

A bathroom question...

Maybe more of a comment.

Here at HCY, the main ladies' room that I use has 8 stalls (I'm not exactly sure which). This morning, I stopped by Stall #4.

There's no one else in the bathroom. Just me.

A woman came in whilst I was in there and took Stall 3! *And she wasn't just stopping by, either!!

I just think that's weird. I mean, I know guys are really oogly about pole position ettiquette in their bathroom, but I generally don't think much about it in the ladies' room.

However, to sidle up next to me in an large and empty bathroom?

Weird.

Avoiding jet lag.

In answering a myspace survery, it asked if I had ever been awake 48 hours.

I have not (that I recall), but I've been awake 40 hours. It was when I flew to Switzerland to visit my sister in May 1999. I left Chicago in the early evening hours (6pm?) and arrived in Switzerland around 11 am (4am CDT?).

I really though I was going to die from tired, but Meg wouldn't let me sleep. She dragged me around Geneve and also the little town she lived in (can't remember the name right now), on the train and off the train, over hill and dale, sightseeing, avoiding squishing the snails that inhabit the Swiss sidewalks like acorns.

There's a picture of me at about 36 hours. It's dreadful. I'll post it if I can find it.

Finally, we ate Swiss fondue for dinner and she let me go to sleep. I slept 12 hours, woke up in the morning and never though about jet lag a single minute more my whole trip.

So, apparently (and as trip advisors concur) the trick is to get yourself on the local schedule as soon as possible. Don't take a nap, no matter how wretched you look in your first-day, haven't-showered, vacation pictures.

Because, ahhh, there's nothing like having your picture taken on a lovely Swiss town hill with sailboats out on the lake...looking like hell...

Okay, so I emailed Downy.

Here is the email I sent them. My confirmation number is: 061127-001643. I'm eagerly awaiting an answer...


Hi! I'm wondering something. I've always been under the impression that, when using detergent and softener both, you're supposed to use that ball widget so that the softener gets out during the final rinse cycle, BUT...

Now that, for example, Tide, is sold with the Downy mixed in, do I now not need to use the ball? I mean, not that I haven't been doing it already (shhh), but since the manufacturer (i.e. you) has now decided that the softener can be mixed with the laundry detergent and get decent results, am I off the rinse cycle hook?

You know, just wondering where I stand.

My Real First Name

Wanna know what I wanna know?

Why is it that when using detergent and softener separately, you're supposed to use that ball so the softener gets out during the final rinse cycle, BUT...

They now sell, say, Tide, with the Downy mixed in. So now do I not need the ball? Since the manufacturers have now decided that they can mix the soap and softener and still get good results, does that mean I can now add mine together (which I do anyway) and skip the ball thing entirely?

Hmmm. I'd like to know. Maybe I'll email Tide.

Hey Readers!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Google fun, Part 54

My Real First Name has...
...arrived!
...managed to pinpoint exactly what it is about both Web 2.0 and Library 2.0 that annoy me so thoroughly
...over thirty years experience as president of the school
...more than 100 years of experience educating women to excel
...looked generously and hard at our common human world
...played a significant role in educational leadership
...a bad case of late-flight syndrome
...pictures

My Real First Name wants...
...it bad
...to know
...to be free

Big news on the China front!

In the mail yesterday, we received our foster license from DCFS! That means that we could officially be foster parents!

We still have to do the guardianship form and other stuff, but it's progress!

How to play Broom with your dog.

First, it helps to have a high-strung dog. It's not absolutely necessary, but it really makes for a funner time for all. You know, like going to a haunted house with someone who screams a lot? It's just better.

So, the next time your dog is bugging you to death, catch her eye and slowly walk to the closet where you keep your broom (you must have a broom to play this game, as playing _____ with your dog is not as much fun. A small table or stool can be substituted [as if you were a lion trainer], but, really, I recommend the broom. The first time or 2, she might not really get it, but she'll come around.

Like with little kids, it also helps to pretend to be a monster or some other scary thing. You know in horror movies how it's scarier when the creepy thing moves slowly or unnaturally? Like that.

At this point, your dog will either will have gone to sleep, will be interested in what you're doing, or will have continued to bug whomever is still sitting down. If your dog chooses options A or C, then, I'm sorry to say, you do not have a Broomdog.

But, for those of you with Broomdogs, slowly open the door to the broom closet, get the broom out and (as long as the dog is looking) peek it around the corner. In my house, this results in either fake growling or a playbow*, then a bunch of crazy racing around the living room like someone set her on fire.

Next, start walking across the kitchen back to the living room. Now, don't forget to be all creepy-like and do make sure to tap or zhuzh the broom on the floor as you go.

Once you get over by the dog, suddenly rush towards her with the broom, as if it were going to eat her. She'll probably race around trying to "get away".

At this point you can stop acting creepy and just chase her around. I like to press the broom to her tail and see how many times Ii can get her to race around in a really small circle. Also fun: trying to smash her feet with the bristles as she runs and using the evil broom to trap her in a corner.

After 5-10 minutes of Broom, your pup will probably lie down and sleep.

And that's all were looking for, really.

*http://mypetjawa.mu.nu/archives/106089.php

And for my male readership...

I know you read the underwear post. I'm telling your mom.

And another thing girls...

Target has a new (to me) line of lingerie called Gilligan and O'Malley or some such thing. Cute matching underwear! From Target!

So far, I love it!

For my female readership...

An Underwear Recommendation

Allow me to begin by saying I am not generally a V.S. shopper. It's expensive and, for me, the cute bras don't fit and the ones that fit aren't cute. It must be that a sense of style and cuteness is only present if you wear a B, but, that's another raving for another time.

The other day I was in Vernon Hills for lunch and I wandered in, you know, just to torture myself. The last time I was in VS, a friend of mine was extolling the virtues of a particular line of underthings called Body by Victoria. She was in love.

So, since I was already in there and the scent of Love Spell was starting to work its magic, I was forced to pick out a pair of this very special underwear. The sales girls were shocked that I didn't want more than one pair and even when I mentioned that I wasn't even sure that I liked it and so didn't really want to fill my drawers and empty my pockets with underwear that I may end up hating as I had so many times before, they still were shocked. I think the underwear has gone to their brains.

I hate to admit it, as I am a bargain shopper, but Body by Victoria is the best underwear I've ever put on in my whole life. I'm partial to the 91% something/9% something else kind (some are more cottonish, some are less, I like the less), but they' are so cute and comfortable! I can personally recommend the boy short, but they've got all styles and sizes.

At 3 for $30, they're not cheap, but then cheap underwear is, well, cheap.

Old Navy underwear? I love it, but I'm tired of sewing the trim back on, yeah?

Does anyone know whose earrings these are?

They were left at my house over Labor Day weekend. They're little roses :)

The Princess Bride is on Bravo right now

Man I love this movie! ROUSes? I don't they exist.

--

Mobile Email from a Cingular Wireless Customer http://www.cingular.com

Did I ever mention how much I love surveys?

Phone surveys, email surveys, those About Me surveys, Gallup Poll.

I am a survey chick.

Hey new readers!

Don't forget to save boxtops to get your secret decoder mouses!

*Mairzydoats just isn't the same without them

And another thing...

In my email this morning, I got a notice that I had a comment* on my blog, which is unusual, to be sure, but not unwelcome.

When I checked it, it was a posting ostensibly from someone who runs an online legwear store (whose name I can no longer remember, b/c I accidentally deleted the email). I'm fine with that--if I could remember the name, I'd probably go look.

What's weird is that I'm wondering, do people search Google looking for people who are unhappy with their current leg coverings? How did she find me?

Mairzydoats is on Google, and since I like skirts--and it's winter--I probably do spend more time thinking about leg coverings than the average girl, but still....

I occasionally have random visitors, from what I can tell, and I always wonder how they get here.

Are they Googling psycho cats? Parking lot confrontations? Free tampons? I just don't know.


*What's weirder, is that my email showed the comment, but it doesn't show here on mairzydoats. Hmmmm...

For the first time in my whole life today,

I was called Mrs. Last Name by a child (shiver).

Sure, I've been called Mrs. Last Name by service folk of all varieties and Mrs. Last Initial jokingly by others DB knows, but this time it was different. It was by some who believed it.

A co-workers of mine has her kids here for a while today and when she introduced us, she called me Mrs. Last Name.

Creepy.

When I introduce myself to people here at work, I only use my first name. Kind of like Cher.

Or Liberace.

What is it with tights?

I've tried regulars and longs, ones that fit me (according to the package), ones that are techincally too small and too large, opaque and sheer, various colors. Everything except wool (which I think would be torture) and cable-knit (which I can't find).

None of them have truly worked so far. All I'm looking for is a pair of tights that:
1) Doesn't squeeze me so tightly around the waist that I end up looking like a balloon animal.
--I mean, yeah, I've got fat, I don't want to advertise it!
2) Doesn't roll down at the waist
-- There's nothing more alluring than watching a nicely dressed woman trying to pull up her stockings through her dress
3) Doesn't sag at the ankle
--Someday, if I am lucky to live so long, my ankles may sag on their own. No need to hasten the process, huh?
4) Has a crotch that goes all the way up to where it's supposed to be
--I don't even know what to say about this. AND--it's not just that the hose aren't long enough, because more often than not, the same pair that leaves the crotch dangling also has me tucking the waist band under my bra. So attractive.


My question is why-y can't tights be made in dress sizes? Or maybe 0-4, 6-10, 12-16. At least then one could have a reasonable assumption that they would fit.

Alas, I think I know the answer and I don't like it. Our mothers and grandmothers also knew the answer.


This is why God made girdles.

Another thing to add to my Xmas list

I. am. lovin' it

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/save%20second%20base/-/cfpt2_/x_26/cfpt_362:_P___________Dc_PXiP_FD___a/source_searchBox/copt_/y_11

I might let New Phone sleep on the bed tonight.

I got my memory card (sent here from Singapore via eBay--I'm getting trusting here in my years) and a USB transfer widget today, and have spent a good part of my afternoon putting songs on my mp3 phone.

Honestly, it sounds fantastic! So, now I'll be ready to entertain myself while I'm waiting for stuff AND I'll be ready in case some spontaneous dancing breaks out!!!!!!!!!! Me miss dancing opportunity?

See, I would never do that. My dancing genes are a green belt.

Speaking of--we're going to Sundance (now located in Waukegan) tonight at 730 for anyone who wants to come. I'm wearing 1 of 2 spaghetti strap tops I've got, so just keep your eyes open for the girl who's freezing her *ss off. That will be me.

A guy I work with owns a Fatboy.

I wonder where they got that name. Specifically, you know?

In reflection,

it occurs to me that my 11/03 is probably tomorrow. Not 3 years ago.

I was going to submit my Amazing Non-Decaying Apple to Guinness.

Rats.

I just noticed that the Affy tapple I bought in the cafe at lunch has a best by date of?

11/03. Ewww.

Oh no, I'm still going to eat it. Uh huh...love me some Affy Tapple.*

*I am currently listening to Solid Gold 1974. Do It Till You're Satisfied.
Make my funk the P funk.

Oh, now it's When Will I See You Again. 1974 was the shiznit.

Did I mention I have new friends?

Yep, after 5 months of being in my extra-super-lonely job, I finally have a few coworkers to talk to and, even more excitingly, new friends that I actually have to get out of my desk to talk to!!!!!!!!

It's true! I can get up, walk across the building, and actually run into someone I know well enough to shoot the breeze with. I can barely contain my glee!

Next task: Eating lunch with another HCY human being.

I have a feeling this mission will prove more difficult. Aside from my former area, it seems HCY employees are loath to leave their desks.

Must plan carefully...

Why can't it be "10 finger, 10 toes, tact"?

So, yesterday I sent my nearest and dearest (well, the ones I thought might enjoy it) an e-Halloween card. Apparently it got mangled by some folks' systems (weird, it came thru fine back to me), but anyway...

I was talking to one of my coworkers this morning and he was asking if the card had sound. I said yep, you missed a lot of the good stuff if you didn't turn your sound on. So he proceeds to say how he guesses that the card was sort of okay, but not really that big of a deal and how he's seen funner cards other places.

This is not my first experience with his lack of tact, but jeez! And it's not even like he's being a jerk--I really think he doesn't get it.

Part of being a member of polite society is not always offering up your unvarnished opinion of everything. It's not always about you and what you want!

Gosh!

Tuesday October 31, 2006: A day of frustration.

I am being driven crazy by the General People I work with. I keep having the same conversation over and over with different groups of people I work with, including my boss' boss.

Them: "Well, just bring your laptop and we can work on it while we're in there." (or varying other permutations of this same statement)

Me: "My PC is a desktop--I'd bring it, but I think it might be kind of heavy! ;)" (With the kidding mostly to defuse my growing frustration at having this same convo overandover)

Them: What!?!?! Really?? You're kidding!

So, since my desktop is heading slowly for the great computer lab in the sky, I brought up its eventual replacement with my boss. She said that when I started this job, she had requested a laptop for me, but they ended up just bringing my old PC along from my old area. She also said that when the time comes, to request a laptop.

So, today I talked to our admin to find out what to do when that time comes, and she said that she believes that people of my level can't get laptops--only managers and above.

Sighhhh. So they should post this somewhere so people stop acting shocked when I don't bring my laptop to a meeting. It's starting to get on my nerves (and honestly it's making me feel a little weird).

Happy Halloween!!!!!!!!

..................click or cut/paste...if you dare (muhahaha)....................

http://www.americangreetings.com/view.pd?i=418960190&m=4616&source=ag992

Happy Halloween!

Scare-edith

PS--Cover your speakers so the screaming doesn't scare your neighbors.

J.L. of Wauconda has requested a baby update...

...and, since we're full-service here at mairzydoats (and customer service is my number one priority*), I will oblige.

Dave has now completed his medical form journey. I am mailing the forms to Rockford today, so that the homestudy can be finished and sent off to DCFS. We have one more form that needs to be picked up at the Dr's office for him, but it's not needed for the home study.

Then:
The 171H immigration form is applied for and received back (6 weeks)
The dossier gets put together and sent to Chicago for US and Chinese authentication (2 weeks?)
The dossier gets sent to China and is translated (2 weeks?)
We get a Log In Date (LID)
We wait. (13 months, currently)

Also, last weekend (not this one just past, but the one before that), Dave and I were in Madison WI for a mandatory so-you're-adopting conference put on by our agency.

Now, let me preface this report by stating (in my own defense, I think) that I have limited patience for other people explaining things to me. I am very patient when it comes to my explaining things to others--this bothers me not at all. However, for myself, I can't even stand to read the directions to a board game (this will not surprise my mother, Dave or any others who know me well).

So, the conference... Mostly, it was about 30 of us sitting in the church part of a United Church of Christ in Fitchburg WI, listening to a series of people talk from 830 am until 430 pm. Ugh.

Reasons why it was OK:
1) They had a pediatrician come in to talk about the varied and different issues internationally adopted kids have. He was cool and it was interesting. It was mostly stuff I have not read about already, which I like.
2) They had a pair of recent new parents come in to talk, and although I thought they were nambypambys, they had a few interesting things to say. Plus, their daughter was cute! She had learned American Sign Language (ASL) even though she wasn't deaf and she was signing away. So cute!

Reasons why I hated it:
1) I can't sit that long in one place
2) Except for the pediatrician and a little bit the parents had to say, I had already read every thing that was talked about online
3) Some of the other parents-to-be were sissies**
4) The presenters talked too slowly. If I'm going to be forced to rehear things, at least give it to me quickly, huh?

Anyway--it was required and now it's over! Yay!

We did get a chance to have dinner with my aunt/uncle/cousin who live up that way, so that was really nice :)


*that and world domination

**
Exhibit A: I couldn't find any organic formula in Hong Kong, wahhhhh!
Exhibit B: I don't travel well, wahhh!
Exhibit C: We never eat candy and that's all we could find to eat in the airport., wahhhh!
Exhibit D: The thing that worries me most about adopting is the travelling to China, wahhhh!

Fellow adopters, those things aren't even on my top 100 of things to worry about.

As is mentioned in one of my favorite comedy shows ever--No Cure For Cancer--I did think of buying each of my compatriots a copy of Dr. Denis Leary's book: Shut the F*ck Up.

"he just told me to shut the f* up and I felt much better about myself. it was amazing"

Something that would not surprise Dave:

You Are 60% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

Like I just told Meg, I think this mostly has to do with vengence and wishing harm on others. And enjoying setting things on fire. Picking evil over stupid, fistfights, prank phone calls. Killing bugs, breaking the law. And shooting a gun (well, in my defense, they didn't specify where or how). Oh, world domination. Let's see, what else?

But not so much on the vandalism and illegal downloads, though. You know, so there's still time.

E.L.O is my new boyfriend

Okay, it's more of an old flame. I dug out my ELO's greatest hits yesterday and remembered that I love them! Then--Turn To Stone was on the radio while I was out at lunch :) (german shorthaired pointer!*)

ELO's greatest hits--a good Xmas present for people who don't hate them.

So, everyone except communists.



*I was walking and talking with a friend of mine once about dogs and what different kinds of dogs looked like. I mentioned that I really liked German Shorthaired Pointers, but was having a hard time successfully describing what they looked like. Five minutes later, one ran past.

Hence, anytime something happens right after you were just talking about it? --> German Shorthaired Pointer.

Guess where i am?

I'm in the bathtub! Yay mobile posting! (Although maybe not for you...) Anyway, it's snowing again- Yay snow!

--

Mobile Email from a Cingular Wireless Customer http://www.cingular.com

Looky, l'm at Panera for lunch!

York Theatre (Elmhurst, IL), Theatre Visit #2

Dave and I visited the York on Sat 9/30/06. We were supposed to be attending the Toby Keith concert (Dave's company does work for TK), but there was a ticket snafu. Since we had already checked into the hotel, we looked around to find something else to do in beautiful downtown Elmhurst...

The York Theatre is beautiful and a lot bigger than I expected. I guess being used to the Woodstock, I expected it to be smaller. The screen where we saw our movie (see the Jack*ss 2 review) is the second picture down on the left in the link below (the pic with the organ). It was huge!**

http://www.classiccinemas.com/history/york.asp

The theatre is on a street that has a bunch of little old shops and streetlights, so, again, the ambience is old-timey and nice :)


It's funny--the whole place smelled like both popcorn and my paternal Grandma's house (which did not smell like popcorn). It was so nice and comforting, even though I don't know exactly what it was that made it smell like Grandma's.

(As opposed to my maternal Grandma's house, which smelled like roast beast. Mmmmm.)

Which one will we visit next? Will it be St. Charles, Carpentersville, Elk Grove Village, Fox Lake, Oak Park, Freeport, Kankakee, Naperville, or Downers Grove?

Only I know. Moohoo-hahahah!




**I may have forgotten to mention in my Jack*ss 2 review, the guy who barfed on the floor--twice--during the showing. Maybe he was drunk, maybe he had a weak stomach? The part of the film during which he hurled really wasn't gross (offensive, maybe, but not gross), so maybe it was the demon rum? Who knows... I'm just glad that the room was big enough for him not to be right next to us. Yuck.

Woodstock Theatre (Woodstock, IL), Theatre Visit #1

We've been to the Woodstock Theatre a million times--it's one of our local theatres. The history of the building is linked below.

It's a 3 or 4 screen theater (4, I think) with a petite lobby full of popcorn(!) and an old-fashioned outside ticket booth. It's located on the beautiful Woodstock Square, which really lends itself to the old-timey illusion. The theatre is also featured in the movie Groundhog Day, which was filmed almost entirely on the Square (the place where the groundhog comes out? Woodstock Square).--> http://www.silverscreens.com/cinesaucine/en/groundhogday.html

There are a bunch of great restaurants nearby, including the Public House right next door (non-smoking, bonus!), plus a Starbucks and DQ within walking distance.

I thoroughly enjoy any visit I make to CC's Woodstock Theatre!

(I'll post a picture the next time I drive by!)


http://www.classiccinemas.com/history/woodstock.asp

Embarking on a brand new quest: Classic Cinemas

Classic Cinemas (http://www.classiccinemas.com/) owns/has helped restore various old movie houses in the Greater Chicagoland Metropolitan Area (Becky and Susan will remember this general area from our college days).

Currently there are 11 theaters in their collection and most have that old marquee look--they're really neat! The have gift certificates called Reel Money available, which I think is so cute!

I've decided that Dave and my new hobby is going to be visiting all 11 of the grand old ladies (or gentlemen?).

Two down, 9 to go!

NewPhone is desparately trying to curry my favor...

I've discovered 2 features about NewPhone that I think are really cool (one I can vouch for, one I haven't tried yet).

Cool feature1:
It has a D-Day counter. You put in the event and date, and NewPhone counts down (and displays on-screen, if you like) the number of days "until". 18 days til Halloween!

It's a little weird/creepy that they actually call it a "D" day counter, but...

Cool feature 2:
MusicID. You're listening to the radio or a commercial or a band in the park. You hear a song/piece of music you like, but can't identify it. You can record a snippet of it with your phone and send it to MusicID via your phone, and MusicID will identify it and text you back the name.

That is the coolest thing ever! If it works as well as it seems (and if it doens't cost an arm and a leg), it might be even cooler than the internet itself!!


You might be trying to get on my good side, NewPhone, but one of these features is having the best. week. ever.

Kidnapping is bad.

The other weekend, Dave and I were in Elmhurst at the Classic Cinemas (more on that later). While I was in the ladies' room, I saw a woman walking through the bathroom holding her hands over the eyes of her 8-9 year old son.

It didn't bother me--I'm immodest, it wouldn't have bothered me to share a bathroom with a grown man--but I was a little amused and a little saddened.

It was funny to see the mom's expression as she wheeled her son through the room, but the reason that she felt the need to do so is sad commentary on our childrens' safety.

Might a 9 year-old boy be kidnapped or molested in a movie theater? Yep. And that's really sad.

I once ran into a man in Gurnee Mills who looked like he was trying to make the same decision about his little girl (5-6 years old?). I said I'd keep an eye on her in the ladies' room and he took me up on the offer.

I did say that I'd give him my driver's license while his daughter was in the washroom with me, but he declined. I figured it was a fairer trade--he'd want his daughter back in one piece and I'd want my ID.

I don't think I would have declined my offer, if the situation had been reversed.

I heart this blog from anywhere stuff.

I'm on my cell right now!

--

Mobile Email from a Cingular Wireless Customer http://www.cingular.com

Testing my cell phone blogging ability!

--

Mobile Email from a Cingular Wireless Customer http://www.cingular.com

Am I still having alignment issues?

Ack! It works!

I'm so excited! If my cell phone had juice, I'd try that too (c'mon eBay accessories!).

Tomorrow--cell phone blog experimentation begins!

Appparently one can bold and underline things, too.  Oh now I'm really never going to stop talking...

SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Breaking a Chicago record for earliest measureable amount (3/10 inch @ O'Hare).


YAY SNOW!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to marry Radio Shack and eBay too.

Radio Shack and I really should have gotten married long ago. I even still have my first tiny AM/FM/tape player that I got for Xmas (it's in my linen closet).

It's not that RS is the first place I stop--it's really expensive--but, if you can't find it at RS, it doesn't exist. If the video-game-playing technowizards they've got working there can't dig it up out of their collection of obscure catalogs (or fish it out of their online morass of electronic widgets), it simply hasn't been invented yet.

(Just don't look directly at them, ladies, they get flustered).

My most recent purchase there was a car cell phone charger that doesn't require one to buy an entirely new charger when one gets a new phone (fortuitously, in my case). You just get a new nubbin adapter. And where else have I seen this cool gadget? Uh, nowhere?

Speaking of the specter of accessory-buying that I may have to do if I wish to use all the features of my red-headed stepchild phone, I will never again buy an electronic accessory from a real store (except, of course, RS if I can't find it anywhere else).

I am an Ebay cell phone accessory convert. The "holster" I bought for OldPhone? $16, because they said that no one else sold one for that phone (at the time. liars, I'm sure). An OldPhone extra home charger at the Cingular store (which I refused to buy)? $29.

A rapid car charger, rapid home charger, and case on eBay? Buy It Now for $2.46


I have learned the error of my ways.

NewPhone is here.

First things first--NewPhone arrived yesterday. It's okay. I'm snubbing it, though.

All right, I suppose it's a perfectly good phone, except for these things:

1) Even while I was picking this phone, I was feeling like I should pick the other phone. Always do what you think you should do.
2) It's an mp3 player, but in order to use it, you have to buy the memory card and usb cable. Not surprising, but sucky.
3) When I send a text message, I get a confirmation tone. I can't turn it off and it annoys me.

Maybe it'll grow on me.

But I doubt it.

Llama llamas taste like llama...

...llama llama duck. The song has taken up residence in my head. Even humming Hawaii 5-Oh hasn't budged it, and that's really saying something.

More Google fun!

Go to Google and type in--> [your first name] needs

Then hit enter.

[My real first name] needs...
...to mind her own business
...written and oral communication skills, too.
...to be given medication throughout the day
...a huge break into the publishing business
...to finish her doctorate and make scads of money
...a new facility specifically designed for continuing education


I'm going to marry Google.

NewPhone did, indeed, fall thru the cracks.

As I suspected, something associated with my Monday call to Cingular got lost in the translation. BUT--they're sending NewPhone to me via 1-2 day express shipping for free to ameliorate my inconveeeenience.

I am wheel, hear me squeak.

Llama, llama, duck.

Just in case you needed something stuck in your head.

It's PG, but beware your sound volume. It's stuck in my head and I can't even remember the words!

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php

Today is my 5th annivarsary!

Yep, five years ago, on a day just like today, David and I got married! Awwww.

Cute pictures of animals!

Cam across these slide shows of animals on msnbc. So cute (except for the walrus, but then it's amazing she knows how to use the phone, so it all comes back around, really).

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6356101/?GT1=8618

My new phone (should it ever show up)...

...will be an LG Cu500--> http://www.phonescoop.com/phones/phone.php?p=951. I haven't gotten the usual, "yep, we're replacing your phone" email from Cingular, so I'm a little nervous that my call has fallen thru the cracks.

I really wanted the Pantech C300--> http://www.phonescoop.com/phones/phone.php?p=886, but it would have been a downgrade from what I'm turning in (--> http://www.phonescoop.com/phones/phone.php?p=547), and that just doesn't make good financial sense. NewPhone does have an mp3 player, so that'll be something new and different to fool around with.

I've been really happy with Cingular's customer service (I think between my woes and switching my parents' cell plans, I've called them every day for 2 weeks now). I'd recommend them.

Maybe I can find a Pantech cheap on ebay and just have 2 cell phones.



...like I don't have enough to do without having 2 cell phones...

Interesting image labeling game

You sign in as Guest and then you (and a random person from the internet) each try to think of descriptors for various photos you're both shown.

Apparently, Google uses any labels you 2 agree on to fill out its image search engine, but I just think it's fun!

http://images.google.com/imagelabeler/

Movie Review: Jack*ss 2

I must begin by saying if you already don't like Jack*ss, you will not like this movie. It's no different from the TV show or 1st movie. Honestly, watching it is a total waste of brain cells. But I did laugh...

As a disclaimer, it depends on what you find funny. I thought the crashing-into-things parts(particularly the skateboard gauntlet and anything involving the lake) and the pranks they pull on each other are the best. The injuring-themselves-on-purpose (like any piercings) and scatological parts? Not so funny. (I covered my eyes at one point)

Cute Persons to look at (0-5): 2. Depends on your preferences and whether you can separate someone potential cuteness from the twisted things they're doing to themselves, but I, personally, think Bam Margera is cute. Well, maybe pretty, rather than cute, but worth a look. I actually think he might have eyeliner on...

There are no chicks in the movie--cute or otherwise. Sorry, guys.

A Satisfying Ending (0-5): N/A. As much as a lot of people wish there were an ending to Jack*ss (ha ha), it's not the kind of film that has one. Although at one point, Bam does pray that there's not a Jack*ss 3.

Action/ adventureness (0-5): 3. Lots of action, not much adventure. But not the same kind of action as, say, a pirate movie. ...for example...

Love storyness (0-5): 0. I don't think anyone is expecting a love story. Unless you consider thinly veiled post-adolescent homophilia a love story.

Good Scaryness (0-5, optional): NA. You might cover your eyes, as I did, but it's not scary.

Kissing (1-5): 0. There's not any kissing. And if there was any kissing I've forgotten about, I'd like to let it stay that way.

Cinematography/Special effects (0-5): 0. There aren't any special effects. Everything you see is, unfortunately, real.

Laughs (1-5): 4. I don't even know how to grade this one. Did I laugh out loud more than almost any other movie I've see this year? Yeeah. Am I embarrassed about it? A little. So if I count only the fact of laughter and that as defined by the disclaimer above, there are a lot of laughs. *shameful, shameful laughs

Extra Credit (10 points): 1. It's lowbrow and disgusting, but I laughed. A lot. (At the parts that didn't horrify me)

Total: 10/30.

How do I hate thee, Motorola Razr, let me count the ways...

1) The first one I bought (in 12/2005) kept accessing the internet all by itself, every 1/2 hr, all day and all night. 33 page phone bills. So I complained and they replaced it.

2) The second one sounded like it had sand in the flip and had a huge dark spot on the screen. I complained and they replaced it

3) The third, and current, one accesses the internet all day and all night. In addition to that special feature, it also turns itself off randomly. When I go to turn it back on, it gives me an error message that requires me to disassemble/reassemble the battery and SIM card just to get it to work. This really great when I'm in a hurry or when my nails are painted.

So today I called Cingular to complain again and talked to Ashley about my woes. She said that since I've had so many problems, they will replace my phone with a different kind. She said she'd be right back.

Suddenly a very rude guy comes on the line and starts in on all the troubleshooting crap I went thru in July/August when I first called. I gently interrupted to explain my problem (so as not to waste our time) and he just behaved in a very ass-like manner. Skip, skip, skip, I asked him what standard procedure was in a situation like mine and he said they would send whatever they had in stock.

Uh, so I carefully and happily picked out my Razr in December and now I'm supposed to be satisfied with whatever piece of sh*t phone you feel like sending me? I've generally been happy with Cingular's service, so I was really surprised to encounter this guy.

I asked if I can figure out what I want phone I might like and call them back, which was fine with assboy.

So now I've got to figure that out. Grrrrrrrrr.

White and Nerdy

Weird Al has a new song out--White and Nerdy (like that "try to catch me ridin' dirty" song--and You Tube's got the video.

Check out Donny Osmond dancing like an idiot in the background--hilarious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xEzGIuY7kw

Did you know...

...that almost any obscure reference on my blog can be found by throwing it into a search engine? Just though I'd tell ya--sometimes I don't want you to feel left out.

Other times I like to think I'm furthering the spread of information into the superiorly-intelligent minds of my willing readers.

You know, just depends on the the day.

VPL and I don't mean the Vancouver Public Library.

So, if you're a regular old, non-transvestite guy, you may want to skip this post. It likely will mean nothing to you. Maybe you would like to visit http://www.uniwatchblog.com/**, or http://espn.go.com/ instead. Or even http://mensfashion.about.com/, if you're just a regular vestite (not the trans- kind).

So, on to the topic. I'm really not terribly concerned about VPL. If your thoughts are so consumed about the fact that you can see that I am--in fact--wearing underwear, then maybe you could use a hobby. Because most people do--in fact--wear underwear!

I KNOW! I could hardly believe it either. Boy, those E! shows and US magazine really have us fooled. I mean seriously, who wants to be embarrassed by having a total stranger look at the rear side of your gray sweatpants at 1030 pm at Meijer while you're buying formula or maybe eggs and think, "ewww, she's wearing underwear".

Doesn't every woman put on a thong when she's running out in her Kohl's-on-sale reversible jogging pants and Adidas flip-flops from college? You never know who might be in La Azteca when you run out for a gallon of milk and a can of frijoles negros!

Speaking of thongs, I hate them. I know, lots of girls I know think they're great, but they're not. These women are lying to make themselves feel better. I've tried all sizes and styles and fabrics. They're fine when you're standing still, but you let me know how things are after picking up something you've dropped on the floor. See, told you so.

I do, however, own 3 pairs of pants and 1 dress that objectively do benefit from a lack of VPL. It's just the way they're designed--the VPL is really noticeable. But I have found a solution to the problem, it seems!

Boy-cut drawers! Yes, even if you're not a skinny, straight-hipped wonder. They're not much to look at when they're on, but they serve the purpose and they're comfortable. Hanes makes a microfiber boy-cut that doesn't suck!

There, there's my Public Service Announcement for today.



**This site has apparently hypnotized certain men I know

I'm pleased to report that a Toyota 4Runner *can* survive...

...2 days and nights of solid rain through its sunroof! (Moonroof? Whatever...)

Yes, that's right dear readers, although I did not plan to test the trailworthy-ness of my semibeloved machine**, I am happy to say that it seems to have some through the gauntlet with flying colors.

Ah yes, Friday afternoon, driving home in the beautiful sunshine, singing along with my eclectic drive partners, The Dixie Chicks and Fatboy Slim, windows and sunroof open...(cue impending music of doom...da-dum...da-dum...dumdumdumdum***)

What a beautiful day! I got home, pulled into the driveway, closed my windows and went in the house...da-dum. Friday night we got some good rain--happy trees, happy birds. Saturday morning, we did laundry and lounged about; then, Sat afternoon and evening, we had a baptism and dinner in Arlington Heights and then Chicago.

BOY--the rainstorm that came through while we were at my cousin's house was amazing--flooded streets, bent trees...da-dum

So, we came home that night and a little more rain came through. I really am happy to have all the rain--maybe my trees/flowers will come back stronger next year [I lost 2 rose bushes this year--Peace and Mr. Lincoln. The prettiest ones, of course :( ]

da-dum...da-dum

Anyway--Sun morning, Dave got ready to leave for a business trip to Nashville and I got ready to go amuse myself at the outlet mall in Huntley. Thought I might stop by the Gap outlet--too bad the Levi's outlet is gone ('cause I need more jeans like I need a hole in my head). I wish they had one of those faux purse places down there...

I digress.

dumdum, dumdum, dumdum, dumdum

I went out to get in my car only to find that, although I had closed all the vertical windows in the car, I had neglected to close the fully-open sunroof!

Everything was soaked. The water hadn't even begun to dry. The leather seats (because, of course, in my old car, which did not have leather seats, I never left the windows open for 2 days of rain) were soaked and spotted. The cupholders, gaskets around the trans-shifter and 4 wheel drive shifter, rear ashtray, and change holder? Full of water. Carpets and headliner? Soaked. In fact, as I drove, water kept running out of the weatherstripping between the headliner and window on the driver's side. It was totally great.

I mopped up what I could, found a towel to sit on, and went off to the mall. Somehow, between the mopping, leaving the windows open while driving and parked in the sun yesterday, and then spending the night with all windows open in the garage last night, my baby seems to have survived with no permanent injuries.

But I wouldn't recommend it.


** My red car is growing on me. My old Zuzu and I had a lot of fun together. So far, Red Car and I have driven back and forth to work. However, now 1 trip up to my aunt and uncle's house and now the monsoon are helping us to forge a better relationship. These things take time...

***That IM of D of getting a workout lately. ...maybe it's me...?

A list of my favorite songs...

...it's a short list for now, but it'll grow


Copacabana (now I just have to learn to dance)

So what do you think of the MySpace site?

Let me know...

You should be able to leave comments here without registering. If that's not the case, someone let me know and I'll look at my settings again.

MySpace

So here are my MySpace and MySpace blog addresses. See, they're not as pretty :(

My Space--> http://www.myspace.com/mairzydoats

My SpaceBlog--> http://blog.myspace.com/mairzydoats

Oh Ca-NA-DI-a, our home and native land!

Why is it that it's Canada, but people from there are Canadians? Why aren't they Canadans? Or, conversely, why isn't our Great White neighbor's name Canadia?

(Which would make singing their national anthem even more enjoyable, really. Oh Ca-NA-DI-a, our home and native land...)

Sometimes I think it would have been nice to have been born a Canadan. They have so much open space up there. More room for people and animals...lakes and rivers...cabins...........parking lots...strip malls...sea-of-rooves housing developments...you know, all the stuff that makes life good. Uh huh.

I think the next time someone asks me what nationality I am, I'm going to sayAmerician.

Time flies

Our 5th anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks--it hardly seems like it's been that long! That's longer than I was in high school or college. That's the difference between 6th grade and driving. It sure goes a lot faster the older you get.

And if David and I had been able to have a baby when we first wanted to, that baby would would be 4 years old now. Time really does fly.

China Update, Part 17

This past week, David successfully applied for his passport and also got our background clearances from the sheriff!! Yay!

We've been hearing some bad rumors about the China program lately, such as they're going to institute a weight restriction, they're going to disallow people taking certain drugs (such as blood pressure or depression meds), and also disallow those with certain conditions (diabetes or the wheelchair-bound). Also, we've heard that the wait time is going up. Boo.

The social worker says that they're all just rumors at this point, but also that any changes that have ever happened to the system started out as rumors.

I love fall :)

This pic makes me want to vacation in VT!

Does anyone remember what Pirates of the Caribbean 2 was rated?

Oh wait, I REMEMBER!

It was rated ARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy national Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Today is the first Sock Day of the 2006 fall season!

I have not worn socks to work (and really, hardly at all) since early May. The first Jacket Day of the season for me was Monday Sept 11th (although I was in FL the previous week--if you recall--so I may have missed the actual 1st Jacket Day).

Yay Fall!!

Things that are much better than their similar or brand name counterparts:

McDonald's french frys
OPI nail polish
Kraft Mac and Cheese

I just dropped a french fry...

...and after about 10 minutes realized that there wasn't a dog around who was going to pick it up.

Uhh, why weren't we doing this already?

http://www.cnn.com/2006/TRAVEL/09/15/security.airlines.cargo.reut/index.html

So there are new rules for airline screening. These new rules mean that cargo presented to a carrier (like FedEx) that is put on passnger planes has to screened for explosives jsut like passenger luggage.

UM--so currently half the cargo on a plane isn't screened??? Why have terrorists bothered trying to slip past airport sceurity devices when they apparently just had to box up their explosive cookies and send them to Grandma in the cargo hold????

I don't get it.

White T-shirts are, what $12.99 for a 3-pack?

So, exactly, then, what is the problem with those guys who wear their crisp white dress shirts with a 1035 Free Gas Friday shirt underneath?

A guy I work with here at HCY is about to go into an interview with one of our auditing bodies (ie, if we don't pass audits, we don't sell things). From the front: sedate, classic white dress shirt, dark pants. From the back? Free Gas Friday!

Dude, YOUR SHIRT IS WHITE! Do you think we can't see the FGF? This is the reason women don't wear red bras underneath white shirts! (Otherwise, that's all we'd ever wear, of course)

Seriously, if I were an employer and my employee didn't have enough sense not to wear a graphic-t under dress clothes, I'd wonder what else they didn't have enough sense for.

A certain BIL of mine knew a guy who showed up to a very important affair with his good shoes and suit. When he took off his jacket: Harley Davidson!

"...uh, yes sir, that's is true, i don't have the camouflage sense God gave newborn deer..."

Don't try the laundry excuse, either, because Meijer is open all night. I'm just not having it.

Grammar Police: The fazes of the moon

Although it seems that everyone (except my readers, of course) disagrees--there is, in fact, a difference between the words faze and phase.

I KNOW, right? As a English-mangling public, we can hardly believe it...

Here it the difference:

Phase
"The moon has 4 phases: new, waxing, full, and waning."
"I don't know why Charlotte isn't sleeping, maybe it's a phase she's going through."**

Faze
"Women going topless at our honeymoon resort? It really didn't faze me"
"Charlotte was unfazed by her parents' efforts to get her to sleep at night"**

There, now we can all act superior-like when it comes to grammar. *whatever..like we don't already... ;)



** Sleeping at night? See, that's just ridiculous...

So Blogspot is moving to Google

From what I can tell, it won't change your side of Mairzydoats, but it will change mine some. Particularly in requiring me to get a google account sign-in.

The only potential problem with that is that Google says outright that it uses your non-identifying info to do whatever it wants. Whether it's truly non-ID, who knows?

So, my other option is switching over to my MySpace space/blog, which I currently don't use.

Haven't decided what to do yet, but don't worry, I'll leave a trail of breadcrumbs :)

Single-handedly saving us from our grammar selves!

Regimen? Regiment?

Ah, the lowly "t". It's amazing how this simple letter can make the difference between a closely followed plan and a division of armed militia.

So, the next time General You start a new diet regiment, do let me know, as I will be very curious to hear how that works out for you.

Speaking of meat...

...well if I wasn't, I was about to...

I am well aware that I like beef more well done than the average American. This is not to say I haven't found many other people (mostly women) who share my doneness preference, but I've acquiesed that my desire for "brown on the inside, maybe a little black on the outside" isn't the standard.

So, knowing this, when beef is served at a formal dinner, I am prepared for the inevitable Medium, instead of Medium Well or--even better--Well Done, that I truly hope for.

Which brings me to my point.

I've been to a few formal affairs over the past 6 months (including my recent trip to The Breakers) and every single event that has served beef, has served it Rare!!!!!!! Totally Rare!!Not sneaking up on Medium, but red, not-hot, and wiggly. Wiggly!!

Wiggly to the point where, when I go to surreptitiously cut off the more done parts, I am foiled by the shimmy-shimmy-shake-shake of my meat.* but that's another story

Yes, people do like Rare, but I daresay not most people. I know--beef takes a while to cook--but there's just no point to even serving, it if the majority of people are going to leave their little mooing scraps on their plates (and order room service when they get back to their rooms).

Big fancy hotels like the Breakers with at least half the dinners not eaten due to doneness problems. It's just a shame.


Moooooo.

I'm back from Florida

We had Dave's annual meeting at The Breakers in Palm Beach, FL this past week. It's extra, super, fancy fanc fanc. It's really something!

I do think that they're impressed with themselves--more so than other resort we've been to for the same meeting. This is in part evidenced by the $9 bowls of soup; $13.50 glasses of wine; and a lunch I had that was a tuna salad sandwich plus a glass of iced tea. The bill was $27.

We got to bed at 1230am this morning after our flight was delayed for 3 hours. I'm sooo tired...